


Just When I Thought I Was Out

by magicbus77



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, Minor Character Death, Reid's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 10:57:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3893836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicbus77/pseuds/magicbus77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finally importing some of my old works...<br/>Reid successfully fled Oakdale after a stupid fight with Luke. What would it take for him to return?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just When I Thought I Was Out

Rochester sucks. I knew it would. I’ve been soured on small town living. Not that Rochester is small, but all of the people in this town are, in one way or another, associated with the hospital. At least in Oakdale, the gossip was varied. If I gave a damn about any of it, I’d offer up examples. Seeing as I didn’t - Scratch that. Don’t. I don’t give a damn. Blip on my radar. Too bad that in the still of the evening, when my last consult is gone or the final incision has been stitched, I still hear the fucking thing pinging.

Oakhell. Boy, I never saw that coming. Six months of my life wasted. Alright, fine. Not a total disaster. I made a friend. Katie, single mother, relentless busy-body, never fails to remind me. Seriously. Never. She calls and whether I answer or let it go to voice mail, her intro is the same. “Hey, friend.” Like I’ve hit my head causing short-term memory loss or some shit. It’s annoying, but I can’t help but think I’d be offended if she ever changed it up. 

If only Minnesota held some sort of outlet for me. My first instinct was cheese. It’s everywhere. The gas station where I get my morning coffee has hunks delivered daily, for fuck’s sake. Don’t get me wrong. I had a decedent love affair with cheddar upon my arrival, but like most things I form an attachment to, it turned on me. Severe constipation and a five pound weight gain and I had to let go. Cheese and I were not meant to be.

I refuse to say that I miss Oakdale. I know it’s a fact, but it’s a secret I hope to carry to my grave. Katie can sense it. Like some void-seeking missile, she zeroes in and attacks my weakness. I’ve packed up my things twice to return to a place I couldn’t wait to leave in my rearview mirror. 

The first because of some weepy phone conversation about how Jacob crawled to the door of my room and started bawling. He probably bit his tongue with his newly sprouted teeth I keep getting pictures of, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t think he missed me. Maybe he does. The fact that I miss him only gives Katie another weapon in her arsenal that she uses much too freely. 

The second was just a knee-jerk reaction. Katie still doesn’t know about my near-return. While on a date with Chris Hughes, another that ended in sweaty, pained, rushed goodbyes, she was introduced to Richard Channing. Yep, that deli slicer had been hired to replace me. The thought of that prick inside my wing turned my stomach. It made me as nauseous as the idea of a prick inside Lu…some guy I used to know. 

Anyway, I came to my senses both times and now I’m a Rochester resident for as long as I can stand it. The gay population is pathetic. I Tivo episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, turn the sound down and jerk off to the unnaturally beautiful array of male doctors to pass the time. As soon as I develop carpal tunnel syndrome, I’ll blow this popsicle stand. For now, this is as good as it gets.

Ooh. A phone call. Knowing it can be only one person, I hit pause and open up my phone without looking. “What did Jacob do this time?”

“Reid?”

I sit up straight and hold my breath. I play dead like a possum, as if that’s ever worked in the history of the telephone. Luke knows I’m still there and he knows I know who this is, so he continues.

“I’ll make this fast. You need to come home.”

“I am home.” Why did I say that? I shake my head and decide not to apologize. I swear I can hear him rolling his eyes.

“Katie needs you.”

“If Katie needed me, she would call.”

“She’s still at the hospital.”

I drop the antagonistic bullshit as worst case scenarios flicker in my mind’s eye. “What happened? Is she okay? Is it Jacob?”

“No. She’s…physically, she’s fine. Jacob is with me.”

“Spit it out, Mr. Snyder. I don’t feel like playing twenty questions.”

“Chris Hughes is dead.”  
*****  
Two weeks. I’ve been given two weeks to, I don’t know…fix her. I’m an hour out from Oakdale and, in the five hours since I left Rochester, I’ve come up with exactly zero ideas on how to do that.

I’m also avoiding all thought of what awaits me outside of Katie’s apartment. Maybe I won’t have to leave. I’ll sit on the couch, place Katie gently in my lap, and just squeeze the shit out of her. Wrap my arms around her so fiercely that her broken pieces have no choice but to fuse. That way, when I leave, she’ll look like absolute hell. Scarred and bruised and raw, but on the mend.

“You need to come home.” I try in vain not to read too much into Luke’s words. He never would have called if Katie had been able. I didn’t change my number and, for three months, I haven’t heard a peep. True, I wasn’t burning up the phone lines, but I’m a cold, rigid dickhead. Luke’s supposed to be the warm, tenacious one. The one who wouldn’t give up on me, on us.

But. As big and wide as there ever was one, that but hangs around. I’ve tried to drive around it, through it. Nope. Still in front of me, staring me in the face. Luke still thinks of Oakdale as my home. He’s not the only one.

My penchant for rash decisions has never bothered me. I make up my mind and that’s it. Not to say that it’s never bitten me in the ass. It’s bound to happen from time to time, but I don’t look back in regret. Well, I’ve learned that there’s a first time for everything. 

I had been in Rochester for three days when I found out how wrong I was. Luke didn’t go back to Noah. They’re friends. They go to the movies or dinner and then, they go their separate ways. 

Me? I slowly go insane. I find myself in a place I don’t belong, in a hospital where you can’t pass gas without filling out a form first with people who, efficient as they may be, only make me miss Memorial.

I should have turned in my resignation then. Loaded up my unpacked boxes, tucked my tail between my legs and begged. Agreed to anything Bob Hughes demanded. Kissed Luke’s ass, among other things, and just fucking pleaded. Like a kid in those miserable first days of summer camp, I wanted to come home. 

I didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t. My lips remained unpuckered. I plodded through my sorry situation with my trademark Reid Oliver sparkle. You know, that thing that makes nurses cry and equals (their word, not mine) mutter such phrases as ‘pompous bastard’ as I walk away. That thing that Luke was slowly modifying to be less off-putting.

I really don’t know what I’ll do when I see him. I’ve imagined everything from snaring him in my arms and not letting go to avoiding him like we’re locked in an intense game of tag. The latter seems more my style. Of course, I don’t always feel like myself in Luke’s presence, so who knows.

I’ll find out soon enough. I yawn and glance at the clock on the radio. It finally dawns on me that I’ll be knocking on Katie’s door at a ridiculous hour. Basic math escaped me on my mad dash out the door. 

It’s five in the morning when I pass the ‘Welcome to Oakdale’ sign. I feel like I’ve got a hook, heavy and cold, through my navel. I’m being reeled along the streets. Home. I’m almost there.

When I pull into my spot, (I’ll put aside using past tense while I’m here. No need to refer to everything as ‘my former’ when I’ll claim ownership as long as I use it.) I realize Katie’s car is not in the lot. Either someone drove her home, which is probably the smart thing to do, or I’ll be sitting in my car for a lot longer than the six hours it took me to get to Oakdale. No way to know unless I knock.

I try the doorknob and make a mental note to chew Katie’s ass about it. A single woman with a young child should never leave her door unlocked. People inexplicably get kidnapped in Oakdale all the time. No need to make it easy. 

As I walk in, I’m assaulted by the scent. I inhale the familiarity. You grow accustomed to it when you’re surrounded by it daily. You only notice it when you’ve been on vacation, in my case a conference, but it greets you and reminds you that you’re home again. God, I’ve become so fucking maudlin. 

My sentimental state is about to get worse. The blonde I expected isn’t the one I find. Katie is not home. Probably at Margo’s. I blink twice more because the only light comes from the windows and my eyes are not above playing tricks on me. I step closer. What I see is real. He’s here. 

Shoes kicked off, legs drawn up as he can’t fully stretch out, Luke’s asleep on the couch. The air conditioner kicks on. I’ve left the door open long enough that the humid air from outside has filled the living room. He shifts slightly, hands balling up beneath his chin and he sighs. I do the same.

I don’t know what to do. I decide to slam the door. The noise will wake him and I won’t have to wait to find out why he’s sleeping on my couch. 

I catch the knob just before the door closes. My blood turns to ice at the thought that he might hop up and leave, no explanation. Not that he owes me one, but still. Having him here and then, abruptly gone…I leave that thought unfinished and click the latch as quietly as possible.

Luke shifts again but doesn’t wake. I examine his features for a moment to make sure he’s really out. I don’t know why I think he’d fake it. That’s more my move. Avoidance all the way. 

The corner of my mouth twitches. He smiles in his sleep. My throat clinches when my first thought is that I might have known that by now if I hadn’t left. But I ran away. If I was here to stay, I wouldn’t feel so bad about wanting to discover what else Luke does in bed. I’m such an asshole.

I lower into the arm chair beside the couch and watch him. If he does finally stir, I’ll feel like a complete tool, but I’m willing to chance it. He’s changed. Nothing drastic. The summer sun has lightened his hair, freckled the skin on the bridge of his nose. He looks so young. Young and beautiful.

I’ve slept in chairs before. It’s not ideal, but it’s doable. I refuse to even entertain the idea of laying in my bed. Luke’s not there. 

My lids are heavy and more time passes between each opening. I’m delighted anew each time I see he’s still there. I don’t know how often I need the assurance, but eventually I stop checking and just sleep.

I dream of Luke. It’s not uncommon. My subconscious is as fond of Mr. Snyder as I am. It’s not of the pornographic nature. Those are my favorite, obviously, but I like this one as well.

It feels like a memory. Clearly, it isn’t. We have so few that aren’t fraught with tension. Here, we’re just…together. His hand is resting gently on my knee. I’m warm and comfortable. I slide down further so that we are shoulder to shoulder. Luke brings his other hand across our bodies and brushes my hair. He holds my head and puts his soft lips against my temple. 

“I knew you’d come.”

I can’t be certain that’s what I heard. I want to believe it, so I do. The one thing I know for sure is that the couch is empty. As I sit up, a blanket that I didn’t have before falls from around my neck to my lap.

“Luke?”

He wants to make a clean getaway. I can sense it in his hesitation. Luke’s still facing the door, but he steps back to my side. His hand sits tentatively on my shoulder.

“I have to go, Reid. Katie will be home soon.”

I grab his hand. It’s instinctual. I open my mouth to speak, but he pulls away. 

“Three months. Now, you’re here and it’s not even for me. My heart can’t afford to make this something it’s not.”

When he’s gone, I know what I must do. I pull my phone from my pocket. I need to make a lunch date with Lucinda Walsh.  
*****  
It would have taken less time and skill to call the White House and get the president on the phone than it did to speak to Lucinda. One thing is certain. She is no fan of mine. I’ll have to change that.

She didn’t have time for lunch today, but she would meet with me tomorrow at nine. Chris’ funeral was at ten thirty, so I have to make it fast. While I have personal business to handle during my time here, I did have one main purpose. Something tells me Luke wouldn’t be impressed if I missed the funeral. Even if it was because I was trying to find a way back to Oakdale.

After a quick refresher on how to work Katie’s confounding coffee machine, I start a pot. My mouth waters a little as the aroma fills the kitchen. God, my teeth feel like shit. Before I add coffee to the hot mess that is my breath, I’d better brush.

What I find in the bathroom makes me forget all about death and lost time. There, in the form of a piece of scotch tape, is a reminder that each of us must have someone who will always save a place. Wait for our return. Katie has taped the left slot of the toothbrush holder. Written in bold black marker, REID. Even my toothbrush has a home here.

I grab a mug and hear keys in the door. Placing two cups on the counter, I head over to help Katie in. I’m barely at the corner of the couch when she sees me. She puts Jacob on the ground and, on unsteady feet, he speeds toward me. 

This must be an extremely new development. Katie told me he was almost walking, but this isn‘t almost. This is success in it’s grandest form. His arms are flailing at his sides. His tiny rubber soles squeak against the hardwood. Jacob is walking.

He stops a few feet from me. Eyes just like his mother’s beam at me from under hair that is in need of it’s first cut. A high-pitched squeal wrenches from his throat as he motions for me to pick him up.

“Hey, little man.” His feet kick at my legs and he claps his wet hands together as he settles on my hip. I have to ask. “Did you miss me?”

Jacob forms a perfect ‘o’ with his mouth and places a sloppy kiss on my cheek. His little fingers flex against my chest before he grasps a handful of my shirt. That’s a yes, I’d say.

“He’s not the only one.” Katie’s voice is thick with tears, but her eyes are so red and swollen, she may not have any left to shed. 

This is why I’m here. Katie, who taught me things I could never learn from a book (maybe some self-help piece of crap, but I wouldn’t even wipe my ass with those), needs a shoulder to cry on. I extend the hand that’s not holding Jacob. “Come here, kid.”

I put my arm around her shoulders. She squeezes my waist hard, so I pull her a little closer. Kissing the top of her head, I smell the faint scent of that cheap shampoo they have in the visitor rooms at the hospital. “You want me to run you a bath?”

Katie’s voice has very little frivolity in it, but it’s a good sign that she’s trying. “Who are you and what have you done with Reid Oliver?”

I‘m wondering that myself. “Yeah, well. I’d only do this for you. Everyone else thinks I’m raging a-hole and won’t believe you, even if you offer photographic proof. I think my reputation’s safe.”

She lifts on her toes and kisses my forehead. “I appreciate the offer, but I’ll just take a quick shower if you can keep an eye on Jacob.”

“Of course. Whatever you need.”

“Seriously, you’re creeping me out. Quick. Insult someone.”

“Um.” Shit. The first person that comes to mind is Doogie. I was wrong. His death will affect me in the slightest. “Hank has no fashion sense, so I can only assume that his other senses have grown stronger.” 

“Not your best.” Katie jabs at my side. “Has Rochester made you soft?”

Jacob giggles when I jerk. Traitor. “You put me on the spot! It was a good dig. I stand by it.”

“We’ll sharpen your skills now that you’re home.”

There’s that word again. If I believed in such things, I’d think someone was trying to tell me something. They can stop any time. It’s gone from gentle nudging to judo chopping my testicles.

“Two weeks. Then, it’s back to reality for me.”

Katie gives me a real smile. Not the one that says ‘See, I can be brave,’ “We’ll see.”

“Katie.”

“Reid, I’ve lost enough.”

That’s true, but she has other things to worry about than where I hang my scrubs. “Take a shower. You look like hell.”

She drags her feet to her room. It’s just me and the drool machine. I hold him out in front of me and give him a once over. “Have you picked up any other new tricks since I’ve been gone?”

Jacob makes that face. I feel the rumble in his diaper. He had to wait until Katie left the room.

“I said new tricks. Do that in a toilet and I’ll be impressed.”

He’s laughing at me. I think about letting him stew in his own filth, but he’s one of the only friends I have. “Shit happens, I guess.”

We’re both in a better mood after the diaper change. I grab some Goldfish Crackers and sit him next to me on the couch. For every handful I eat, I give him one. He’s not bothered by the gross difference in doctor to kid ratio, so we continue. If only everyone could be this agreeable. 

“So, what do you think, kid? Think Mom’s gonna be okay?”

“Vormen shotlby.”

“That has me pretty worried, too. I mean it wasn’t that long ago that she lost your dad. I was here last time. I don’t like the thought of her trying to do this alone.”

“Shenomal pee fordent frome.” I feel like Jacob’s doling out advise as he crushes his baked cheese in his palm before scraping it into his mouth. It’s probably pretty wise.

I have to laugh. The most profound conversation I’ve had in months is with someone who hasn’t blown out his first birthday candle. I am one sad, lonely man. “Well, if you’re so smart, tell me. What would you do in my situation?”

Jacob doesn’t feel like babbling anymore. He must be smart. If he were any other idiot in this town, he’d fill me with suggestions he wouldn’t take himself. “Yeah. I don’t know how to fix this either.”  
*****  
I once preformed a thirteen hour surgery. My feet and knees were screaming. I couldn’t move my back for two days afterward. I held my bladder for the last four hours. That was nothing compared to how drained and uncomfortable I feel after five hours of sitting in Oakdale. What have I done?

My first mistake was hydrating Katie. Coffee, then countless bottles of water and her tear ducts were plumped and ready for action. I was able to make out enough of Chris’ demise to realize that he was a much better pediatrician than he was a cardiologist. I never thought he was much of a kid doctor, so yeah. I’m not shocked that he’s no longer among the living.

Second mistake came when she asked me how I got in the apartment. I thought she knew. At the mention of Luke’s name, Katie got all starry eyed. 

“He was waiting for you? He was with Casey when they came to pack a few things Jacob and I would need. When he didn’t show back up at Margo’s, I thought he went home.”

“Apparently not.”

“Did you talk to him?”

Stared at him, dreamed of him, seriously considered laying down beside him. Talked to him? “Nope.”

I need to Google some breathing techniques or something. Anything to get that damn Luke-centric pitter-patter under control. It’s bad enough that I know it happens. Katie’s position with her head on my chest makes her privy to it, as well.

“When are you going to tell him you love him?”

I shift uncomfortably. It only allows her to sure her ground. The thought has crossed my mind before now, but I wish this was just any other day. That way I could tell her to mind her own damn business. “Funny. I don’t remember telling you.”

Her chin digs into my stomach as she looks up at me. She wants to make sure that this eye roll she’s been perfecting doesn’t go unnoticed. She doesn’t take into account that her eyes are like sand paper and winces a little. Another reason why I don’t cry. “Like you needed to.”

“Don’t start. I’m placing a moratorium on talk of my love life.” The phrase tastes bitter on my tongue. “We don’t have the time-“

“Damn!” Katie leaps from the couch. “What time is it?”

I try to steady her as she crashes between the furniture like a pinball. “Four thirty. Why?”

“We need to be at Bob and Kim’s by five. You should change.”

“I’ll do what I can to hold back my personality, but they should know what to expect by now.”

“Your shirt, wise guy.”

I glance down at my chest. It looks like I’ve been lactating. I’m sending Katie the dry cleaning bill. 

“You should talk to Bob about getting your job back.”

I flip through the shirts I brought. Black or maroon. How will I ever decide? “His son just died, Katie. Besides, I thought that was Channing’s job now.”

“For the time being.”

There’s a tone in her voice. Like she knows something I don’t. I hate that. When I don’t say anything, she peeks her head around my bedroom door. 

“Isn’t that what interim means?” 

I’ll let it slide that she’s never shared that bit of information before. The smile that getting one over on me puts on her face is worth the delay in intel. At least I know now. It’s possible I won’t have to sell my soul to Lucinda after all. I brought knee pads in case she made me beg for dirt on Channing. As it stands, I only have to grovel for her vote when I put my hat in the ring. 

I shrug my shirt on my shoulders. I look up and see a sour look on Katie’s face. “What?”

“You’re not wearing that, are you? Luke’s already seen you in that.”

“And unless I’m delusional, he didn’t mind what he saw.” 

She brushes past me and flings open the door to the closet. It looks like the entire men’s section of Fashions in there. “Katie!”

“Calm down! I got these from the studio. There’s an anchorman that’s your size. Wardrobe was going to donate them. I couldn’t think of anyone more in need of new clothes than you.”

“So, why are they here?”

Katie doesn’t answer. She holds a rainbow of freshly pressed button ups against my chest. A bright blue that I would never choose for myself catches her eye. “This one.”

“I know you heard me.”

“I did.”

I step in front of her before she can leave. I wish I hadn’t. A fresh batch of tears flow down her cheeks. 

“You should be home by now. I gave you some space. I never pushed, but damn it, Reid! You belong here!”

“Okay. Okay. Shh.” I hold her tight. She hugs back. Her hands pull at my skin. “I want to tell you something, but I don‘t want you to get excited.”

“Tell me what?”

I’ve been a doctor for a long time now. Not once, even in the face of the worst diagnosis, have I ever given what could be false hope. But Katie’s not my patient. She’s my friend and I need her help. I can’t feel bad about getting something I need. “I’m working on it, Katie. I want my wing back. I want to see you and Jacob every day. I want…”

“Luke.”

“Yes.”

“Then, what are we waiting for? Put your shirt on and let’s go.” She wipes her nose and I see the realization in her face that I’m still standing here shirtless. “Better yet, don’t.”

I don’t see Luke when I walk in the Hughes residence, but I feel him. I wish there was a word I could use to describe it. It would feel less mystical if I could find the definition in Webster’s. There’s a heaviness of anticipation, but it’s tempered with the knowledge that I’ll see his face and be able to breathe easier. 

“Katie looks good.”

My eyes close for a moment as I inhale his aftershave. It’s clean, crisp. Also very rare. You won’t find it in some department store. I can’t believe that’s how I spent a Saturday.

I shrug as I turn slowly. “She’s strong. I can’t take much credit for that.”

Luke laughs. My stomach flutters and I notice my palms are sweating. “Who do you think helped her with that in the first place?”

“If I were a less modest man, I’d say me.”

Margo tries to squeeze past, so Luke moves to stand beside me. He’s clearly uncomfortable as our arms brush. “I wanted you to know how happy you’re making her. She’s been a real mess these last few days.”

“It’s understandable. First Brad, now Chris.”

“Yeah.” Luke stares at his feet as he creates a few inches between us. “Well, I’ll keep an eye on her when you leave.”

I wish I could see his eyes. He sounds upset, but I want to know it’s because of the thought of me going away again. “Do I have a reason to stay?”  
*****  
After the briefest of glances, Luke bolts for the door. I have just enough time to decide I should follow him before Katie tugs on my arm.

“What did you say to him?”

The one instance when she didn’t eavesdrop is costing me valuable time. I don’t bother to hide my irritation. “Something stupid, obviously.”

“Obviously. Go after him!”

“That’s what I was doing before you manhandled me!”

She gives me a shove, like I need one. Even the doorknob is against me. I’m causing enough commotion that when I free myself to the outdoors, every judgmental Hughes has their forehead pressed to the window.

“Luke, wait.”

“Go back inside, Reid.”

I bristle at Luke’s demand. As if I would have hauled my cookies out here just to turn around because the Almighty Snyder said so. “Not until you talk to me.”

His blonde hair bobs as he increases his speed. It would be fucking adorable if I wasn’t chasing him. Luke fumbles with the keys to his silver Lexus and, even though I know I have a captive audience, I break out into a full-on sprint.

I wrap my fingers around the door just as he slams it shut. Of all the idiotic things I have done in or because of Oakdale, this takes the German Chocolate cake. I would drop to my knees, but they won’t reach to the ground and it would put more pressure on my already smashed digits.

“Fuck, Reid! Oh, fuck!” Scrambling out of his car, Luke grabs my wrist. “Stop shaking your hand.” 

Luke delicately examines my fingers, using his own to gently lift each individually to his intense eye. That’s not so bad. The skin on my arms breaks out in cutis anserine (my intense hatred for geese won’t allow me to call them by their more common name) as his breath ignites my senses, overriding the pain. If his tender care was not shocking enough, Luke does something I never could have anticipated. 

It happens in slow motion, like in one of those painfully contrived chick flicks Katie used to make me suffer through. His tongue darts out to wet his perfectly pouty pink lips before he presses them gently to my knuckles. One by one, each receives a kiss to make the booboo better. Luke places them against his cheek. 

My heart is pounding with such ferocity I can feel the pulse in my eyeballs. I‘m terrified to speak, but as with most situations this intimate, I need to say something. Anything to break the spell. “What do you think, Dr. Snyder?”

A warm smile graces Luke’s mouth. “I think you need to have your head examined. Why would you do that?”

“I had to stop you from making the same mistake I did.”

Well, I’ll be damned if that wasn’t the wrong thing to say. In his eyes, I see him build a wall. Brick by fucking brick, closing him in. Keeping me out. I know a thing or two about defense mechanisms. “Thanks for reminding me.”

I admire the nice view of Luke‘s retreating backside before I‘m fully aware he‘s leaving. I have to do something. I should have chosen something else.

“If I was Noah, you would have chased me to the ends of the earth.” 

The good news is he stops. The bad news? He looks like he wants to drag me back to the car and slam the door repeatedly until my hand is mush. 

“You’re not Noah. You’re the man who convinced me that I deserve better. Is this what you were talking about? Someone who’d leave town, leave me, as opposed to having one simple conversation. That’s what you think I deserve?”

“You know that’s not true.” My brain is screaming. Please don’t cry. I don’t know which of us I fear will leak.

“Do I?” Luke is the first to break the seal. He’s shaking. I reach for him, but he fast. “Take care of Katie and leave me the hell alone.”

Katie greets me at the door. “Do you need your filter replaced?”

“Don’t start.” I provide her with a look that lets her know I’m two seconds from leaving. She heeds my warning and we take our seats around the table.

Not a soul in the room has any idea what to say. Fine by me. I heap mashed potatoes on my plate and drown my sorrows in gravy. 

“So, Reid.” I knew Kim hated me. “How’s Rochester?”

I’m about to lay into the old biddy when it hits me. Rochester isn’t the problem. Neither is Oakdale. It’s me. 

I’m miserable and geography is the least of my problems. I’m a coward and a liar. I looked into his beautiful face and told him, without blinking, that I didn’t quit for him. Worse yet, I waited for Luke to realize he loves me as much as I love him and now I’m bitter as fuck that he didn’t. 

He has feelings for me. If he says different, then he’s a liar too. I don’t know if he loves me. That’s not the point. I love him. I love Luke Snyder. So, what am I going to do about that?

“I have to go. Margo, can you make sure Katie and Jacob make it home?”

“Um,” Margo looks to Katie, who gives her a nod. “sure.”

Katie follows me outside. “What are you going to do?”

I’ll fill her in on the details later. Luke needs to be the first to know. “Hope I’m not wrong again.”

Luke is not happy to see me. That’s okay. I expected that. “What do you want from me?”

“Just listen.” I find the contact in my phone and hit send.

“Who are you calling?”

I hold up my finger and, thankfully, he waits. “Dr. Noseworthy? Dr. Reid Oliver. You’ll receive my official letter in the next few days, but I wanted you to be the first to know. I’m resigning my position. I thank you for the opportunity, but I belong elsewhere. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Goodbye.”

Luke’s mouth is wide open. He has no clue what to think. I expected that, as well. “What… why?”

“It’s not the first time I’ve quit my job for you, Mr. Snyder. Don’t look so surprised.”

There are a few false starts before Luke can put words together. “Did Bob give you back your job at Memorial?”

“Nope.” I thought this would be hard, frightening. Instead, I’m enjoying the clear-as-mud confusion on Luke’s face.

“Have you lost your mind?”

“No.” Of that, I’m certain. I grab his face. Not unlike our first kiss, I don’t give him the opportunity to stop me. My nerve endings are on fire as I claim his lips.

He’s not so taken aback that he can’t respond. Oh, he responds alright. Choked moans escape his throat like a skipping record. Luke’s hands grip my hair and this could go so much farther if I allow it. Now is not the time. I want his body, but that’s not all.

“I have my mind. It’s clear for the first time since I left. It’s my heart that’s missing. I gave it away months ago and I intend to earn your trust until you give me yours in return.”  
*****  
I arrive home to find Jacob sacked out in his playpen. Katie is cocooned in a blanket on the couch, the contents of a shoe box scattered around her. She’s crying again, but they are the soft, silent tears of a woman doing her best to cope.

“What’s that?”

A deep sigh rumbles from her chest. “Kim gave me a box of Chris’ things. Pictures mostly,” She extends a shaky hand in my direction. “and this.”

In her palm lays a small red velvet box. I open the lid and shield my eyes from the obnoxious sparkler sitting inside. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” I try to hand it back to her, but she shakes her head vigorously, refusing to accept it. “I don’t know what to do with it.”

“I’d sell it.”

“Which is why I didn’t ask you. It’s not mine.”

I find many of the things Kim Hughes decides to do confounding, but I doubt she would give Katie an engagement ring that Chris bought for someone else. “Pretty sure it is. Possession being nine tenths and all.”

“Then you possess it. It’s all yours.”

“He bought it for you.”

“I would have told him to keep it, too!” I’m startled as her raised voice bounces of the walls. Seems as though we’ve reached the anger phase of the grieving process. “Why did he do this to me?”

“What? Die?”

She struggles to free herself from the couch. Each limb kicks or punches against the cushions as the blanket twists in different directions. “Not dying! He couldn’t help that. But he knew he was sick. Why did he kiss me? Why did he hound me until I went on a date with him?” She stills then, worn out from her hissy fit. She’s hyperventilating, so I join her on the couch and ease her back down until her head is between her knees. “Why did he make me love him?”

If Doogie wasn’t dead, I’d kill him myself. My only real problem with Chris was what a self-absorbed prick he could be. He wanted Katie and he pursued her relentlessly even after he became aware of his illness. Knowing how fragile she was after Brad’s passing, a man with a lick of decency would have let her down easily. Maybe without the fear of losing Katie, he would have had his damn heart looked at before it was too late. 

Well, fuck him. He was a damn fool in any way that mattered. I wish I had some proof of an afterlife that involved punishment for our misdeeds. I’d like to think Doogie is getting his astral ass kicked right now.

I give her a nudge. “You need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

It’s still early, but she doesn’t put up a fight. Katie’s been carrying those bags under her eyes all day and she’s exhausted. She’s already in her pj’s. I throw back the comforter and wait for her to climb in.

As I tuck the sheet around her shoulders, she grips my hand. “Lay down with me.”

I must wear a look that says ‘no way in hell’ because she immediately starts explaining herself. “I’m not asking you to cuddle. We’ll put a line of pillows down the middle of the bed. You only have to stay until I’m asleep.”

I roll my eyes at her. Damn, that feels good. I haven’t done that in a long time. “Scoot over.”

“Why do I have to scoot?”

“You’re on my side of the bed.”

“It’s my bed.”

“Do you want this or not?” She looks like she’s going to cry. I’ve caught on to the fact that she can do that on cue, so the effect is lessened. “Left, Katie. I’m always left. Move your ass!”

“Fine!” She pouts as she relents. 

We are silent, not wanting to disturb the other. The soft crinkling of the crisp sheets as our bodies shift seems amplified in the quiet room. I steady my breath, knowing that she wants to hear the rhythm. To feel life beside her and be certain that it won’t just slip away. 

Katie sobs softly. “Do you think I’m toxic?”

I will not, under any circumstances, snuggle or spoon or whatever the co-dependent set are raving about these days. I give her all I can. My fingers are still sore, but I find a way to suffer through as I squeeze her hand. 

Before Katie and her infectious offspring, I hadn’t felt much for people in a long time. The occasional patient, the Annie Judd’s of the world, came along too few and far between. She sensed something in me. Something worth loving. I will always make myself available to hold her hand. A small thank you for reminding me it was there.

Katie has nodded off quickly, this never-ending day finally coming to a close for her. I’m almost ready to join her when I hear a soft knock at the door. I dislodge my fingers from Katie‘s, leaving her undisturbed, and see who would be making a social call at this hour.

“Luke.”

There’s a fire in his eyes that wasn’t there before. His nostrils are flaring. Luke Snyder is pissed. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“And what would be the ‘that’ that we’re talking about?”

“Quitting your job!”

It’s not the kiss, as I had feared. “Oh, that.”

“I give you two days before your hands start itching to cut into somebody’s head and, when you can’t, it will be my fault somehow. I won’t take the blame!” He jabs a finger into my chest repeatedly. I try to back away, but he follows me inside.

“Luke, I would never-”

“I’m still talking. I mean, what if I wanted to move to Rochester? You go around making all the decisions? I don’t think so. Luke Snyder is his own man.”

I rub my chest. “I’m becoming painfully aware.”

“Sorry.” Luke blushes slightly as he shoves his hands in his pockets. “It’s just, if I consider this, no more making up your mind about things that concern both of us. You don’t get to walk away again. You stay. We work it out. Agreed?”

Who’s he trying to fool? If he considers it? He wouldn’t be in my living room three hours after we last spoke if he had been able to think of anything else. “Are you saying you’re willing to give us a chance?”

Luke shrugs as a shy smile takes over his face. “I’m saying you’re free to convince me.”

“Convince you?”

He steps forward, his chin high. “You’re a smart guy. I’m sure you can figure it out.” 

I’m so turned on right now. Visions of his cock in my mouth seem a perfect form of persuasion. “I have something in mind.”

“Can’t wait.” If he knew how skilled my tongue is, he wouldn’t wait at all. “One more thing.”

I’m still picturing him naked, so it takes an embarrassingly long time to rejoin the conversation. “What’s that?”

Luke’s right hand grips my shirt. As he pulls me to his chest, his left hand comes to rest high on my ass. He uses my surprise to his advantage as he snakes his tongue between my lips. 

He tastes of cinnamon and heady desire. I tug sharply on his hair and my knees weaken as he grunts and grinds our hips together. I file away a mental note to do that as often as the situation warrants. 

My mouth chases his as he pulls away. I’m slightly dumbstruck. I forgot what it was like to be kissed stupid.

“You don’t always get the last word.” He places a soft peck on me one last time before slapping playfully on my right cheek. “Now, you enjoy your evening, Reid.”  
*****  
“Stay.”

His back is to me. He eyes the ceiling and shakes his head. “You just couldn’t do it, could you? Are you incapable of letting me have the last word?”

I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. My nose glides up the side of his neck. Yes, that’s the scent. I feel him tremble as my hot, wet breath tickles his ear. “You‘re wrong, Mr. Snyder. I’ll let you have all the words you want, but the last one will not be goodbye.”

Luke jerks his head away. “Reid, I-”

My grip tightens. “Relax. I wouldn’t dream of trying to get into your delicate unmentionables.”

Shifting in my embrace, he turns toward me ever so slightly. Our cheeks press together, the corners of our mouths brushing as he speaks. “We can talk for a while.”

“Sure.” I mouth at his jaw. Luke sighs softly and tilts his head, presenting his neck. I feel his pulse thud beneath my lips. “Among other things.”

His eyes find mine and hold the gaze. “I’m serious. We talk or I go home now.”

I don’t know what answers he expects to find. The only certainty I have is that I can’t let him go. “We talk.”

He falters just inside my bedroom. Scanning the surroundings, he focuses on my bed. “No chairs?”

“Don’t you trust me?” I choose a lazy gait to claim my side of the bed. I watch him swallow hard as he realizes I’m unbuttoning my shirt. I rummage in the bottom of my suitcase and toss him a t-shirt and scrub bottoms. “You should change. The bathroom’s the door on the left.”

Luke turns the clothes over in his hands. His fingers brush lightly over the cotton. “I can’t stay the night.”

“Didn’t say you had to.” His eyes widen as I lower the fly on my jeans. “I thought you might want to get comfortable. We could…talk for hours.”

Light streams from the bathroom briefly as Luke rushes in to change or avoid watching me disrobe. The part of me that wants to challenge his resolve thinks about climbing under the covers in my boxers and a smile. I know Luke better than that. I see how relieved he is when I tie up my scrubs upon his return.

“Thanks.” He tugs on the pant legs. “These are actually really comfortable.”

“They’re your’s.” I blurt it out, startling both of us. “Um, if you want them.”

A nervous smile darts across his lips before his eyes soften. “Thank you.”

I shrug it off. “I have all kinds. Won’t even miss ’em.” I need to stop talking. Babbling about glorified pajama pants will not likely lead to heavy petting.

Luke puts his knee on the mattress. He stays there for a moment, twisting his fingers while he decides how to sit. “I meant for talking with me. I didn’t know if you would.”

Well, I don’t like the sound of that. “What is it you think I want from you, Luke?”

“I don’t know.” 

Here is something that confounds me about Luke. He can charge into my apartment, demand an equal share in whatever this is that we are building, but within a few minutes, he folds. He loses all sense of worth like a shallow well run dry. Life and those who claim to love him have done a number on him that I intend to correct.

I move the pillows against the headboard and slide between the sheets. Luke looks relieved on more than one level because he doesn’t have to decide how he should sit and I’ve chosen a position much more suited for talking, not making out. “Maybe that should be your first question.”

He stares for a moment before pulling back the covers and joining me. “You know, when you were gone, I had tons of questions for you.”

“Okay.” This is more like what I expected. I brace myself for the inquisition to begin. “Start with one of those.”

Luke turns his head to me. His eyes scan my face as though he can read his answers there. His gaze falls upon my mouth. He licks his lips and whispers. “Now that you’re back, they don’t seem so important.”

Kiss him. Kiss him. All other thoughts are cast aside. My hand cups his face, thumb brushing his cheekbone. He leans into the touch. He trusts me.

But why? Because he’s Luke Snyder and that’s what he does. He hides his unpleasant feelings someplace dark and dank and void of light. Somewhere others won’t have to deal with them. He leaves them there to die, but with most things ignored, they find a way to grow and consume him with self-doubt. If I mean what I say, if I intend to alter the way Luke thinks about himself, I have to see this through. 

“Ask them anyway.”

His fingers dance lightly up my forearm until our fingers twine. He drags my palm to his lips and places tender kisses on the flesh. Shaking his head, he mutters softly against my skin. “No.”

I watch as tears build beneath his lashes. I can’t wait for him to yell or cry or, worst of all, leave. There are things I want him to know, whether he asks the right questions or not. “I didn’t have any faith in us.”

He looks up at me then. The kisses have stopped, but he still holds my hand. Luke listens like what I have to say is vital, so I continue.

“The rational portion of my brain knows that all I witnessed was a conversation between friends, but it didn’t feel like that. It felt like I had been talked into taking this leap and opening up against my will only to have visual proof that I was right in the first place. Every time we were together, as much as I wanted you, I never once thought I could have you. Noah was always there.”

“Reid.” Luke nuzzles my hand and scoots closer until our legs touch.

“Don’t.” My voice cracks. I can’t say I’ve ever discussed feelings before. It’s harder than I thought, but I let that stop me once. It got me a boring job and a lonely existence. Never let it be said that Reid Oliver doesn’t learn from his mistakes. “I put him there just as much as you. My point is, I found it. I found that faith and I’m trusting it. And you.”

We sit in silence. I don’t know what else to say. I could get on my knees and profess my idiocy. He would probably end up feeling worse than he does now. That’s out of the question.

So, we breathe. He fiddles with my hand still lying in his. He runs the tip of his finger up each digit, lightly tracing the faint blue bruises. 

Luke completes his run on my pinky and lets my hand fall to the mattress. He settles further into the covers, crossing his arms over his chest. “We should get some sleep.”

It happens so rarely, I almost don’t believe it. I got just what I wanted. He’s staying. I flick off the lamp on my bedside table and inch closer to him.

He’s no more chatty with the lights off , so I let myself drift. It’s been one hell of a day. As sleep is falling in around me, he shifts. I look to see him propped on an elbow and biting his lower lip.

“I thought of a question, but I don’t know that you’ll have the answer.”

I rub my eyes and look at the clock. Almost one. “It’s a little late for riddles, Mr. Snyder.”

He laughs as he lowers his chest to mine. He looks into my eyes as he runs his fingers through my hair. “I want to know why it was so much easier to be mad at you when you were hundreds of miles away.”

Luke brings his lips to mine. It’s sweet, simple. His hand finds it way under the hem of my shirt. He’s looking for nothing more than a connection. We’re both too drained for much else. 

I’m almost asleep again before I realize what has happened. My arm is wrapped around his back, his head on my shoulder. Luke Snyder has made me a cuddler. Who knew I would be such a natural?  
*****  
In less than twenty-four hours, my meeting with Lucinda Walsh has changed agenda three times. Originally, I needed dirt on Richard Channing. I didn’t care if he only had an unpaid parking ticket. With Lucinda’s help, I was determined to use that to cast suspicion that he was the second shooter on the grassy knoll or something equally nefarious. 

Upon learning that Channing was no more than a place holder until I came to my senses and returned, it became a matter of securing her vote. On paper, the choice was obvious, but Dr. Deli had never fled across state lines to avoid a confrontation with her grandson. I am aware of how that may sour her opinion of me.

Now, as she makes me sweat it out in the lobby of her office, I have a new goal. Katie is helpful to remind me to buy flowers when I’ve screwed up. If there is a soul in this town who knows how to begin correcting the mistakes I’ve made, it’s not my best friend, her hot nephew or a counter wiper at the Java. No one knows Luke Snyder like Lucinda, possibly not even Luke himself.

“Dr. Oliver?”

I look up to find an impeccably dressed woman waiting impatiently for me to follow. She leads me down a hallway where every surface gleams. From the black marble floors to the brass nameplates adorning each door, I can see my reflection. I look worried.

Lucinda’s assistant opens the heavy double doors and stands aside. The grand dame herself peers at me above the rims of her reading glasses. I muster all the confidence I can and approach her desk with my hand extended. “Ms. Walsh, thank you for meeting with-“

“Sit.” She points for me to heel like some neutered dog in the street. Who the hell does this old broad think she is? I’m Reid Oli- I’m Dr. Reid Fucking Oliver! I stand on principle.

Lucinda doesn’t appear to be surprised. I might even go so far as to say she’s impressed. But, she’s still not talking. I shrug. I was thinking about sitting before she told me to anyway. As soon as I’m settled, she begins again.

“Tell me about yourself, Dr. Oliver.” 

I don’t sense that Lucinda Walsh is one for idle chit-chat. Guessing by the thick manila file folder in front of her with my name on it, I can safely assume she knows more than I could ever remember to tell her. “What’s missing from your intel?”

“Well,” She folds her hands on her desk and leans heavily on her elbows. “I couldn’t find a single person in Rochester who could tell me about your personal life there. Either you’ve sworn them all to secrecy or…”

“I didn’t have one.” I take a moment to imagine my co-workers faces in response to such a query. Most probably assume someone found body parts in my freezer. They’d all rather think of me as a serial killer than a homebody. It’s always the quiet ones. “There is a seventy year old woman named Geraldine you must not have asked. We shared an intense love of pastrami on rye.”

I watch Lucinda jot a note. I have a strong feeling Smithson’s Deli will be receiving a phone call later today. “Excluding septuagenarian females, no one special?”

“Nope.” My neglected cock could testify under oath to that fact.

“Good.” Her smile is completely inappropriate. I like her already.

“Not to cut our bonding time short, but I did have a reason for wanting to see you today.”

I receive a wave of Lucinda’s hand, as if my career is a fly at a picnic. “You want your job back at Memorial. All in good time, dear.”

“How long do you suppose our good times will last?”

“Tsk, tsk, Dr. Oliver. Patience is a virtue, I‘ve been told. I could have you on rounds by the afternoon, but from what I’ve heard, you wouldn’t enjoy a position under anyone.” She bites back a smile and continues on. “Well, a young philanthropist, perhaps.”

“You are correct.” On both counts.

“I have it on good authority that Dr. Channing has received a job offer that he simply couldn’t refuse.”

My eyebrows skyrocket at this news. “Really? What poor hospital will be subjected to an increase in Mortality and Morbidity meetings?”

“There was a sudden opening at the Mayo Clinic.”

Photographic memory or not, my head is spinning when I leave Lucinda’s office. She instinctively knows that I don’t have a romantic bone in my body. I parted her company with twenty plus ways to woo.

I have no clue what White Asiatic lilies are or where to go to purchase Swedish chocolates. I sit in my car and grip the wheel. The ideas she’s given me are bountiful and not a damn one of them is something I could see myself doing.

This is why I don’t do relationships. Too complicated. Whatever happened to grabbing some dinner, fucking on the couch and going to sleep on your own designated side of the bed? Introduce floral arrangements into the mix and I want no part of it.

Only I do. I need the whole damn thing. I spooned a man and I liked it. I still feel Luke’s hand hold my arm when I tried to move away. The tip of my nose is still warm from where he kissed me goodbye at six this morning. 

A sigh collapses my chest as I remind myself that it’s not me I have to convince. I know what I want. He’s the one who can’t picture us clearly. No matter the memory or the feeling of fondness, it all ends with the vision of my tail lights as I drive away and the hurt I left behind.

I rub my temples and a completely genius, if slightly creepy, idea comes to me. I’ll watch him at the funeral. Take note of the arrangements he leans in to smell. Ask Katie for the names of said flowers because I can already here the snickering of the florist if I saunter into her shop and ask for the purple and red ones. When she has no idea what I’m talking about, I’ll begin to gesture wildly in what I believe to represent the pattern of the bloom, but probably looks more like I’m describing projectile vomiting.

Christ. I scratch at the base of my skull, some lame attempt to scrape clean the section of my brain that tingles when I panic at the thought. I hope I can trust myself to do this. More than that, I hope Luke can, too.

Alright. A decision needs to be made. I follow Lucinda’s plan. Not to the letter because that she-devil tried to sneak a few in on me. I don‘t care how good John Cusack looked doing it. You will never find me standing under a window and blasting Peter Gabriel on a radio held high above my head. 

I can, however, cook. Well, in theory. I can read and I can measure. What else is there? If some bumpkin at the state fair can win a blue ribbon for her cobbler yet manage to lose half her teeth, I’m pretty sure I can feed two people without incident.

So, yeah. That’s what I’ll do. Tomorrow, I serve up my first candlelit dinner for two.  
*****  
I remember my parents’ funeral vividly. I sat stiffly in a wooden pew staring at my clasped hands between my knees. Whispers seemed to find my ears, no matter how soft.

“Poor kid. He looks so lost.”

“At least he has Angus. He’ll take good care of the boy.”

That wasn’t the only statement I found to be complete bullshit that day. Numerous people, be they friend or colleague, took their turn at the podium placed between two closed caskets. They spoke of my father’s love of practical jokes or how my mother made the world’s best chocolate chip cookies. Seeing as I wasn’t allowed to have sweets, I wouldn’t know. The idea of my father finding humor in anything felt just as foreign.

I listened to every word. Let them roll around, hoping they would stick in my gray matter. I hadn’t known the people they described. These tidbits added up to real human beings as opposed to the rigid parents I had grown up with. I suppose I was hoping to replace my memories with the words of strangers.

It wasn’t until the church was empty and I was given one last look at their faces that the anger set in. I felt cheated. Not because I would never know them, but because I was certain they didn’t want me to.

“They loved ya, kid.” Angus nudged me with his elbow. That was his last attempt at comfort. Lucky for him, I didn’t need it.

If that was love, I wiped my hands clean of it. Hiding portions of yourself to be accepted by another? I couldn’t think of a worse fate.

I spun on my heels and never looked back. I would never receive their approval and, at the tender age of twelve, I stopped striving for approval at all. No pats on the head or atta-boy’s required and I’d be damned if I fed society a spoonful of sugar to help my personality go down. I could rely on myself and I was the only one I needed to please.

It doesn’t take a neurosurgeon to understand it was a lonely existence I had sentenced myself to. The mailman delivered exactly one Christmas card every year, from whichever hospital I was employed with at the time, and each birthday passed without celebration. No need to boohoo for poor me when I couldn’t think of anyone for whom I would return the favor.

Then, life tosses you smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Perky blondes cross your path and refuse to let you be. They can’t fathom that you’re perfectly fine without them in your life, so they storm your defenses with a battering ram. Relentless and constant is their attack. No man, even one so well-guarded, can withstand that forever.

So, I don‘t cringe when Katie presses her soggy tissue into my palm as she squeezes my hand. I can‘t find it in me to shirk away when Jacob twists his ever-moist fingers into my hair. I stay because they would do the same for me.

And that leads me to Luke. The one I want to rely on. The one I long to please. So shiny an example of my imperfection. I was wrong. In my defense, I had no solid pedestal to place love upon. Had I known he was out there, known he was possible, I would have…I’m getting carried away. In all likelihood, I would have turned out just the way I am. I can’t change how I arrived at this place, but at least I’m here now.

I’m so wrapped in thought, Oakdale’s farewell to Doogie Hughes is over before I realize it began. Katie, minus mascara, has weathered the storm. Her eyes are red, skin blotchy, but there is such a peace in her face that I can honestly say she’s never looked more beautiful. Despite the odds stacked against us, I think we’re going to make it.

Jacob is asleep against my chest. He wiggles closer and grunts in protest when Katie tries to lift him. She puts her hands on her hips in typical mom stance and bends down to try again.

“Hey.” I gently bat her hands down. “Leave the kid alone. He’s…cozy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Get out there and- Is it appropriate to mingle at a funeral?”

She doesn’t even dignify that with an answer. Katie grabs her purse and glances over my shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep my son because he’s a total man magnet?”

I don’t play coy. “Is he looking?”

Katie stealthy darts her eyes in Luke’s direction. A smile creeps into her eyes. “Oh, he’s looking. He’s looking hard.”

“Well?” Why is she still here? “Go on. Single mothers cramp my style.”

“You have a style?” Katie jabs a finger into my ribs. “I’d like to see that.”

She leaves and I pick up the diaper bag she left behind. At least it doesn’t have Winnie the Pooh emblazoned on the side. I’ve barely straightened my knees before Luke is standing near me, his disregard for personal space blatant.

“Lovely service, wasn’t it?”

Now, here’s a point I’d like to argue, but he’s looking at me like he’s peered into a gypsy’s crystal ball, the future revealed. I don’t want that to change. I nod instead. “Fitting send off.”

Luke shoves his hands in his pockets and rolls his shoulders forward. “Looks like Jacob and I have something in common.”

“What’s that?”

He runs a hand down Jacob’s back, finding and lightly squeezing my wrist. “We both think you’re pretty comfortable to sleep on.”

“Feel free to request my services any time, Mr. Snyder.”

Our eyes lock and the moment feels heated, too intimate for our surroundings. It’s not like we have an audience. There’s only four of us left in the church; me, Luke, Jacob and the dead guy.

Speaking of. “Shouldn’t we be going to the cemetery?”

“Oh.” Luke looks over his shoulder, remembrance of where he is dimming the fire in his eyes. “Bob and Kim wanted to have a moment for just the family. I was about to leave.”

We marinate in awkward silence. I don’t want him to go and he seems in no real hurry. How do we voice it and not be the vulnerable one? It may seem counterproductive, but I don’t want to be the first. I’ve shown him all my cards, proverbially twisting in the wind as I wait for something. Come on, Luke. I’ll take anything.

Luke has my full attention as he rocks back on his heels and takes a deep breath. “Um,” This is it. “I’ll see you later.”

Not it. I don’t know why it bothers me. I’m not clingy. I don’t need to spend every waking moment with him. I guess it was too much to hope for that he want to spend his moments with me. “Yeah.”

“’Bout nine?”

He reads the confusion on my face like a map. “I told my mom I’d watch my brother and sister while she went with Faith to some art gallery. I could be to your place around nine, if you still want to talk.”

Jacob sighs heavily against my neck. That kid has impeccable timing. Saves me the trouble. It seemed like a fine idea when it was my only chance to have Luke stay, but if this is going to become a daily occurrence…”Great. Talking.”

Luke laughs and bumps me with his elbow. “Among other things.”

That sounds like something to look forward to. My stomach growls loudly, echoing through the room. Slightly embarrassing, but it serves a purpose. I almost forgot about dinner. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

He shrugs. “Nothing special.”

“I can change that.”

  
*****  
“Okay, now you’re just doing that on purpose.” Luke steps into the apartment and tickles Jacob under the chin. He giggles and hides his face against my shoulder.

“What?” My mind is set on another task and it takes me a moment to realize how me holding Jacob must look. “Oh. Here. Hold this.”

Jacob doesn’t fuss when I pass him off. I head back into Katie’s room. Unpacking is easier with two hands.

“Reid. Stop!”

“Katie, you’re being ridiculous. You don’t have to go.”

She takes a stack of Jacob’s clothes from me and places them back in her suitcase. “I know I don’t have to, I want to. I have really wonderful memories of Chris at Tom and Margo’s cabin. I’ve been so angry with him that I think I need to go there and focus on the love we shared.”

Of all the cockamamie- “They’re memories, Katie. You can focus on them here.”

“Not with all the stares and whispers and ‘how are you holding up’s’” Katie touches my cheek gently. “It’s sweet that you’re worried, but we’ll be fine. It’s only for a few days.”

I know when I’m facing defeat. “Fine. Go. Leave me here all by my lonesome.”

Katie nods to our guest in the living room. “If I thought you’d miss me, I might actually feel bad.”

She came back for Jacob when the car was loaded. “Alright, boys. I’m outta here. I’ll send you a text when I get there.” Katie’s nose scrunches as her face is overtaken in a broad smile. “Wouldn’t want to interrupt anything.”

If looks could kill, I’d be attending two funerals in one week. When she returns, I’ll have to sit her down and explain that her meddling isn’t nearly as cute as she thinks it is. Being aware that will not stop her, I’m going to tell her it makes her face look fat when she smiles like that.

Luke pats me on the back before I can say anything I’ll regret. “Phone calls are the worst.”

She kisses us each on the cheek, jiggles Jacob’s arm in a floppy wave and, thankfully, bids us adieu.

The door barely shuts before Luke turns to me, gargantuan grin on his face. His hands slide in his back pockets as he twists from right to left. I need to know what caused this giddy little reaction.

“Yes?”

“Nothin’.” The twist and teeth continue. He’s so full of shit. 

“Mr. Snyder, I’ve been witness to plenty of nothing.” I reach out and grab his forearm, pulling him closer. “This is definitely something.”

“You think?”

We both know he’s not talking about his impression of a thirteen year old girl. My fingers brush his continually lengthening hair behind his ear. “I think it could be.”

“I‘m hungry.” Luke hastily zips his jacket and fishes his keys out of the pocket. “Come on. I’m taking you to Al’s.”

Curse my love of all things fried. I don’t even put up a fight. Promise me something greasy and a milkshake and I’ll follow you anywhere. Our asses haven’t even touched the stiff pleather of the corner booth before my senses are assaulted.

“Luke! Always good to see you. And look what the cat dragged in. It’s been a while.”

I tilt my head up from the menu and quickly look away. I would lay good money on the fact the Hank’s wardrobe could cause seizures. Trust me. I know these things. “Not nearly long enough.”

Hank shakes his head as a long, high-pitched sigh escapes his lips. “And I thought absence made the heart grow fonder.”

“I wouldn’t recommend thinking with your condition.”

For a poker player, Henry Coleman is easily duped. He can’t help but fall face first into my insults. “My condition?” 

“Idiocy.” Luke snickers, causing me to lose my hard-edged face as I deliver the bad news. “There is no cure.”

Hank’s mouth drops open. “Why, I never.”

“Pleasured a woman? Can’t say I’m surprised.” I feel like a runner the day after a cast has been removed. I’m rusty, slower than I used to be, but with each verbal stride, strength builds. I want to see how far I can go. “If you really want to shock me, get my order right. Chili, cornbread, side of fries, chocolate shake.” 

I can almost see the steam coming from his ears. Just one more reason it feels good to be home. I’ve found his exposed nerve and am getting ready to waltz all over it before Luke cuts in.

“I’ll have the same and we’ll take the order to go.”

“To go? I got all gussied up for this?”

He kicks at my shin. “Gussied up? You changed from a t-shirt to a sweater.”

I run my hands down the soft black fabric. “It’s a really nice sweater.”

Luke’s eyes follow the path of my fingers. He bites at his bottom lip. I know that look. I’ve been the recipient of that look and it’s meaning is clear. Which only confuses me more.

“Seriously, why the field trip? We have tons of food at the apartment.”

He’s gnawing on both lips now. The longer I wait for an answer, the more somersaults my stomach performs. It occurs to me as I watch his eyes dart down at the table that he simply didn‘t want to be alone with me. “I needed to see something.”

Not satisfied with the vaguest answer possible, I dig a little deeper. “Did you?”

A smile cracks his face. “Yeah.”

Oh, he is pushing my patience. “Spill it, Mr. Snyder.”

He puts his hands on the table and leans in close. “I am in no way condoning this behavior, but all I’ve seen since you arrived is nice Reid.” Luke’s voice turns stern as he stiffens his back. “It‘s all ‘Sure, cry on my shoulder, Katie. Here, Jacob. Let me carry you around and drive Luke insane with the sweetness.’”

“I do not sound like that.” When, truth be told, he has me down pat.

“My point is you’ve been a wonderful friend. Just what Katie needs, in fact. But I’ve missed you. All of you.” A slight blush darkens his cheeks at how that sounds. “I wanted to see Reid Oliver; cold, rude badass.”

“So you brought me to Hank.”

Luke licks his lips. While babies can weaken the hardest heart, his beats a little faster when I’m me. Good to know. “I never thought I‘d get you back.”

“I didn’t think you’d want me.”

Luke takes my hand in his. “Guess we were both wrong.”  
*****  
We’ve been attached at the lips for the last twenty minutes. As soon as we entered the apartment, in fact. Luke agreed that I did indeed have on a nice sweater as he ripped it over my head. That’s all the talking we’ve engaged in.

Now, this is never a position you’d hear me complain about. Not even one of Jacob’s rattles lodged in my knee could make me break the silence. I just chucked the thing behind the couch and nestled snuggly between Luke’s legs.

The problem is this. Every time I reach the waistband of Luke’s jeans, he intertwines our fingers. He drags my hand up, placing it against his neck or chest. This is his safe zone and, despite four attempts now, he has no intention of letting me discover his preference in underwear.

“Okay.” I sit back on my knees. I can’t believe I’m doing this. “We should talk.”

Luke props himself up on his elbows. His t-shirt slowly slides down his chest, disregarding the effort it took to bunch it under his arms in the first place. “Really? I thought we were communicating just fine.”

He grabs me by the back of the neck to pull me down on top of him. I almost let it happen. My arms lock before he accomplishes his task. “So, why the road block?”

I can tell he knows what I’m talking about, but he feigns innocence anyway. “Road block?”

“Road block. Speed bump. Whatever cute little name you’d like to assign to that move you do to keep me away from your belt.”

“Jesus, Reid!” And now he’s mad. “You’ve been back in town for two days. Can you literally think of nothing but getting in my pants?”

At this very moment, no. I do still have enough sense to keep that to myself. “Calm down. It’s getting old.”

“What?” Luke struggles to sit up straight. I hear threads in the seams of his shirt pop as he yanks it down. “Me making you wait.”

“No.” I have always been aware of Luke’s flare for the dramatic. It doesn’t mean I’ve grown to enjoy it. Hell, tolerate it, for that matter. I can’t stop myself as my voice raises. “You throwing the fact that I want you in my face like I’m some sex-crazed maniac.”

He glances at me and I see the apology in his eyes before he can speak it. I don’t want to hear it. Not because I’m too angry to accept it or I want to make him plead. I’m still spending a good chunk of time clearing out the debris from my crumbling walls. He shouldn’t have to say he’s sorry for his defenses when, the truth is, we all have them.

“Listen,” I pull him in close to my side. His head drops on my shoulder like a rock. “you obviously have a strong physical reaction to all of my hotness.”

“Reid!” Luke elbows my ribs while pressing his palm into his groin. I have news for him. It’s going to take more than that to hide his erection. 

“No one is blaming you. The nurses may hate my guts, but they’re all in agreement that my ass is fantastic.”

Luke lunges. I’m flat on my back, but the view is stellar from down here. His floppy hair frames his face and I have to bite my lip not to blurt out how absolutely fucking beautiful he is.

“I get it. You’re incredibly sexy. There’s nothing wrong with the plumbing, Reid.”

Thank God. I ease him down to lay his head on my chest. He wraps an arm around me loosely. “That means the problem is in here.” I kiss the top of his head. “Or, it’s in here.” A small heart is drawn on his chest.

He’s quiet for a long time. I brush his hair from his forehead so that I can see his eyes. “Tell me, Luke. I can take it.”

I don’t know that that’s true. I’ve never given a damn about how I make people feel. I haven’t the slightest clue how I’ll react to hearing that I inflicted pain on someone emotionally and have it mean something.

“It hurt when you left. I didn’t expect that.” Luke ruffles the thin strip of hair I have below my navel. I want him to stop because it’s distracting, but I’ll never ask him to because it feels so…yeah, he can keep doing that. “I knew I’d be mad. I thought there would come a time when I’d feel a little lonely, not having you to argue with. But hurt? I never saw that coming.”

“Luke, I…” I can’t find the words. I don’t know how to fix this.

“I felt like some tumor you were cutting out. Like you’d be happy to get your diagnosis and find out you were Luke-free.”

If it was only that easy. There was a time when I laid awake at night to ponder the complexities that must lie below the surface of that dunderhead Mr. Mayer. Not knowing what I would be missing, I would have gladly traded a pound of flesh for the removal of the feelings that seemed to crop up whenever Luke was around. That never happened.

“I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you.”

“I know.” He doesn’t. “I know that. You told me and I believe you, but…”

I think I can finish that. “It doesn’t erase the pain you felt.”

Luke speaks so softly I can barely hear him above our silent surroundings. “You scare me, Reid. If it hurt that bad to watch you leave before we really got started, I am terrified to invest any more and have it happen all over again.”

Mr. Snyder is preaching to the choir. I’ve barely been able to shake an overwhelming anxiety since the second or third time I laid eyes on him. This is the only cure, having him in my arms. “So, where do we go from here?”

“Forward.” Luke scoots up my body, once again taking the dominant position. “Just a little more slowly than you’d like.”

As he bends forward to kiss me, Luke takes the opportunity to roll his hips slowly. His softened, but not completely lifeless, cock drags along the side of mine from base to tip. He moans against my lips when he does it again.

I grab his ass and press his hips firmly to my own. “I don’t know. I’m liking this.”

My palms skate up his sides as I ease his shirt off and fling it in the general direction of the kitchen. I don’t think he’ll try to leave again, but that doesn’t stop me from making it as difficult as possible to do so. Think of it as insurance with the added bonus of chest hair scratching my smooth skin, alleviating an itch I’ve had for too long.

There is something to be said for kissing. A few months ago, I could take it or leave it. Most encounters I had weren’t the kissing kind. Now, as our tongues become intimately acquainted, I’m learning to value a kiss. 

With Luke, there’s meaning in every one. A promise of things to come. In my case, an assurance of a promise I have no intention of breaking. So, for now, his kiss is enough. Christ, three days ago, it’s more than I dared hope for. Oh, yeah. And the dry-humping isn’t too bad, either.  
*****  
Luke returns to the apartment just after I set the water for the corn on the cob on fire. You can’t set aqua ablaze, you say? Au contraire. Unless I have developed some comic book super powers overnight, boiling water can turn to flaming water with a little salt and inattention.

“Dear God.” Luke wrinkles his nose and tries to clear the smoke from around his face. “What is that smell?”

I douse the oven with one more blast from the fire extinguisher for good measure. “Could be a few things. There’s the Garlic Butter charcoal briquettes, formerly Italian bread. I think the real stench is emanating from the Honey Barbeque Glazed Pork hockey pucks.”

I tap one on the counter to demonstrate that I am not joking about their current texture. A bit snaps off and skitters to a stop against Luke’s hand. A bemused smile graces his face.

Not accustomed to failure, his grin starts to piss me off. “This is funny to you, Mr. Snyder?”

He looks at me as though, clearly, it is. Luke begins to dispose of my failed attempt to provide sustenance. When he’s done, he pulls me in by the back of the neck and gives me a kiss that would have caused him to promptly hit the brakes last night. I stop questioning the reason why and enjoy the weight of him as he pins me against the sink. 

“Change your shirt. Wash your face. You have schmootz” Luke brushes his thumb along the side of my nose. His eyes narrow as he rubs a little harder. “Yeah, I don’t know what that is. Scrub up, doctor. I’m taking you out.”

“No.” I take the brightly colored daisies that I bought out of the sink. “Here. These are for you. I’ll pop the cork on this sparkling water crap I got and you can sit back while I try this again.”

Luke giggles, his flowers dripping on his shoes. “While this is all very sweet,” I shudder at that word. I wasn’t shooting for sweet. That’s too Noah Mayer for my liking. Before I can argue, he puts his finger to my lips. “it’s also completely unnecessary. I’m starving. I can only imagine that it’s been a while since you’ve eaten.”

That’s not fair. He knows I’m always hungry. I nod dejectedly.

“Then, let me feed you. We can try cooking another night.”

I peel my smoky t-shirt over my head. “Like Metro out or Al’s out?”

Luke takes a moment to appreciate my arms. His eyes drift slowly from my shoulders to my waist. Things are certainly progressing. He no longer feels the need to admire my form with quick glances under his lashes. That’s right, Mr. Snyder. Take it all in.

“Neither. Throw on something comfortable. I’m taking you to my favorite place. They have the best food in the state and the kitchen never closes.”

We are five miles outside of Oakdale before I even bother to ask. “Where are you taking me?”

“To grandmother’s house we go.”

I lift an eyebrow. “Lucinda’s? I’m not really her favorite person.”

“I wouldn’t say that. Anyway, it’s not Lucinda we are going to see. I’m taking you to meet my Grandma Emma.”

“Oh.”

Whether it’s the tone of my voice or the stiffening of my limbs as panic creeps up my body, Luke senses my fear. He reaches over and grabs my hand. “Don’t worry. After she sees your Reid-sized appetite, she’s going to love you.”

“It’s not that. It’s just…” I wipe my free hand down my thigh and clear my throat. “How many of you are there?”

Luke smiles and stifles a laugh. “I’ve never spontaneously multiplied and I don’t have any clones growing in a lab. There’s only one of me.”

“Ha, ha.” To say my laughter is dry is an understatement. “You know what I mean.”

“Well, there’s Grandma Emma. My dad will be home and it’s his night with the kids. That makes five additional Snyder’s. Think you can handle that?”

There are too many factors to be considered. I can’t give him an accurate answer. What if his dad stares at me with the evil eye? Maybe his grandma won’t let me eat until I’ve said grace. Oh, and what if the kids want to, horror of all horrors, touch me? This is a very bad idea.

Luke turns down a long gravel drive. Pulling next to a dilapidated pick-up, he kills the engine. “It’ll be fine, Reid. Just be yourself.” He opens the door, but another thought strikes him. “The quietest version of yourself you can muster.”

I follow him up to the porch, my head on a swivel. I can’t shake the feeling that I could be ambushed at any moment by muck-covered heathens carrying chicken pox and e-coli. I make it into the house safely and my anxiety melts away as I inhale the smell of fresh-baked bread.

“Luke!”

A plump woman with wildly curly hair wraps Luke in her fleshy arms. “I didn’t know you’d be coming for dinner. And you brought a guest. How wonderful.”

Luke smiles brightly. “Grandma, this is Dr. Reid Oliver.”

Emma wipes her hands on a dish towel and gives me a firm handshake. “Welcome, Dr. Oliver. I hope you brought your appetite.”

“Never leave home without it.” I mentally roll my eyes at my corny response. Emma seems to find it charming.

“Good.” She turns back to the stove and gives a pot a quick stir. “Can I get your honest opinion?”

Luke bites his lips into a thin line. “That could be dangerous.”

Emma shoves a wooden spoon between my lips. “Does this need more salt?”

I close my eyes and savor the flavor as it spreads across my tongue. I haven’t tasted gravy so magnificent in…I’ve never tasted anything this good. It’s like an edible hug. I feel them waiting for a reply. “It’s perfect. When do we eat?”

“Soon. I need you boys to run out to the barn and tell Holden to get washed up. The kids should be with him.”

Barn? As in animals, hay and shit? “You go, Luke. I’ll keep your grandmother company.”

“Nice try.” Luke grabs my wrist and drags me out the door. I can hear Emma snickering as I whine and stomp my feet.

“I’m not touching anything in there. No newborn calves, no chicken eggs, no straw bales. Nothing, Snyder.” I watch Luke’s shoulders shake with laughter. “I mean it.”

“Calm down. This is a horse barn. The wildest thing you have to worry about out here is my brother.”

I step one foot through the barn door and immediately find myself in harm’s way. A blonde girl (if I could guess how old, I would work at a carnival, not a hospital) barrels towards me, screaming her ass off. She stands behind me, gripping my arms. Running after her is a mini-Luke with dark hair, a mischievous smile and horse dung in his gloved hand.

“Dad! Make Ethan stop.”

“Yes, definitely.” I whole-heartedly agree. 

“Ethan, stop chasing Natalie.” Luke steps in, a calming voice of reason. “And put that down. You need to wash your hands before dinner.”

“Just his hands?” I give the little boy a once over. “Shouldn’t you take him outside and turn the hose on him?”

The youngest Snyder tilts his head and looks at me like I’m the crazy one. I’m tempted to remind him he’s the one walking around with shit in his hand, but I don’t think that would impress Luke. “You look mean. Are you mean?”

I could tell him the truth. He probably wouldn’t bug me for the rest of the night. I catch sight of Luke, grinning like a loon and I decide to deal with the kid like the mothers I see in the grocery store. “Drop the poop and I’ll buy you a candy bar.”

Ethan sheds his gloves, dropping them to the ground. He puts his sweaty palm in my hand and tugs. “I like you.”

Even though I imagine his germs crawling up my forearm, the feeling is mutual. There is something to be said for a young man who speaks his mind. Besides, I need all the support I can get. I am desperate to win the Snyder’s over. Three down, three to go.  
*****  
“Dr. Oliver.”

I look up from my task of scrubbing Ethan from fingertip to elbow. I dry his arms and extend my hand. “Mr. Snyder.”

He shakes my hand and gives me a genuine smile. “Please, call me Holden. Ethan, go see if you grandma needs help setting the table.”

The little boy groans and looks up at me. “You’re sitting by me, right Dr. Reid?”

He’s cleaner now, so I don’t see the harm. “Sure, kid.”

Ethan slips past his dad. Before I can do the same, Holden shuts the door, trapping us both inside. I swallow nervously. The last time I was in a bathroom this size with another man, it was a flight attendant who assured me he could calm my nerves. This occasion will not likely end with me relaxed and somewhat tired.

“I spoke with Lucinda today. She said the board is going to offer you your job back at Memorial.”

I nod. “That was my hope.”

Holden is still gripping my hand. He pumps it twice, but doesn’t let go. “So, you will accept?”

“Of course.”

He drops my hand and pats my shoulder. “Good to hear. I’d hate to think you were stringing my son along only to break his heart when you leave again.”

There are reasons I’ve avoided meeting another man’s parents. When I’m uncomfortable and all else fails, I default to humor. Not many people find me funny. “I could never do that to Ethan.”

Holden smiles and opens the door. “Make sure you don’t. I‘d hate to have to hurt you.”

I let Holden make his point. That will be the last time. I’ll be damned if he expects to treat me like some kid picking up Luke for his first car date every time we meet. I’m probably just as close to his age as I am Luke’s. 

“I am enjoying the hell outta this chat, but I think…” Holden is a big, beefy farm guy. I have no choice but to brush against him when I pass. Yep, nothing like the Mile High Club at all. “I’m gonna…yeah.” 

Luke is waiting for me when I emerge from the bathroom. He flashes a quick grin, but it does little to hide the worry in his eyes. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I cup his cheek. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of the way Luke leans into my touch, like that’s all he needs for support. “Had a little man-to-man with your dad.”

“Oh, god.”

“Hey.” I lean our foreheads together and look him in the eye. He seems overly worried that a few choice words from Holden will make me skittish. 

I am not fond of the idea of having a relationship with Luke, his mom, his dad, his other dad, and the list goes on ad nauseam. I only want Luke, but it’s not like I didn’t know these meddlesome people existed. I made peace with the fact that we will argue about his family long ago. 

I rub his cheek with my thumb. “He’s looking out for you. It’s what good dads are supposed to do.”

Luke chuckles. “Good Dad.”

That reminds me. “I don’t have to meet Bad Dad anytime soon, do I?”

Luke pecks at my lips. “Not unless you end up as his cell mate.”

I wrap my arm around his shoulder. “Lucky for me, being an ass isn’t illegal.”

I never really had family dinners growing up. I’m sure that we ate at relatively the same time, possibly even at the same table, but our evening meal was never like this. I sit back and observe two or three conversation going on simultaneously. 

Everyone talks about their day except Faith. She gives me a quick, disinterested look and goes back to texting. Luke tries to make a proper introduction, but Faith throws up her hand. “At least he’s not Noah.”

It’s not a glowing recommendation, but I’m almost certain it was a compliment. I’m taking it as one.

Emma gets a hardy laugh as Luke retells my kitchen disaster. She places a warm hand on my back. “One day with me, Dr. Oliver, and Luke won’t just be eating what you cook for dinner. He’ll also have to eat some crow.”

“I think I’d rather like to see that.”

Luke squeezes my knee under the table and receives a swift kick to the wrist as Ethan climbs into my lap. I try to not look horrified as his bony butt digs into my thigh. He drags my head down and whispers loudly in my ear. “I got in trouble, so I can’t have dessert.”

“I feel bad for ya, kid, but I don’t see how that’s my problem.”

Ethan looks pretty offended that I’m not willing to help out my new best friend. “You can ask Grandma for a big slice of pie and then I can have a few bites. I have my own fork.”

As I look into his hopeful eyes, it occurs to me. I had always blamed Luke’s devious ways of persuasion on his Grimaldi DNA. I think I underestimated how far a cute face and a sweet disposition will take you. “Two bites.”

He hops down and places my order for a ‘bigger, bigger’ piece of cherry pie with the cook. Luke leans over and catches my earlobe between his teeth before whispering. “You are such a sucker.”

For the first time tonight, I wish I wasn’t sitting at a table with the best of what Luke’s family has to offer. There’s a light in his eye and something…more. Something that makes me forget about dessert and reminds me that there’s no place in the world I would rather be than on my couch, tangled in Luke’s embrace. “Are you about ready to go?”

Luke looks up at me through his lashes and bites his bottom lip. “I thought you wanted dessert?”

As I lean in to kiss my boyfriend (Ugh. I thought I’d try it out, but I’m still not a fan of the word.), Ethan drops a plate on the table in front of me. It contains crust, crumbs and two lonely-looking cherries. His cheeks are so stuffed I’m not sure he can speak, but the food particles flying from his mouth and onto my pants give him enough room. “Two bites.”

I must have made a good impression on Emma. Not only does she generously replace my mutilated cherry pie, she packs it in a plastic container with the other left-overs she sends home with me. “I’m serious about those cooking lessons. Any time.”

“I’d be honored to learn from the master.”

Luke tugs on my arm. “Stop flirting with my grandma.”

“If you’re jealous, bake me a pie.”

We are still on the back porch when Holden opens the screen door. “Reid, a moment?”

Luke gets that flaming red, embarrassed look that usually only presents itself when we’re talking about sex. “Dad!”

“I’m not going to browbeat him.” Holden stops himself from saying something. I would give him a hundred dollars to complete the thought. I have a feeling it would have been along the lines of ‘I’m not your mother.’

I hand Luke my goody bag, even though it’s painful to part with, and give him a nod. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

Holden waits until Luke gets in the car. “Reid, I-”

I have to stop him. I gave him his moment to tower over me in a confined space, hoping it would make him feel better about getting his message across. Truth is, I find it offensive that everyone thinks I’m out to stomp all over Luke’s heart. I’ve never done anything in this town but save people. From the Grim Reaper and jail. He’d be wise to remember that. 

“Mr. Snyder, I’m not out to hurt your son, so go ahead and show me your shot gun collection or tell me your cousin is the Chief of Police-”

“He’s a detective, actually.”

“My point is that nothing you say will scare me away from your son. I-” Holy shit. I almost told Holden that I love Luke. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Holden raises his eyebrows. “Are you done?”

I thought I was, but then again, I thought he was too.

“I wanted to say thank you. I can’t remember the last time I saw Luke smile like that.”

“Oh.” I’m sure there’s some articulate way to accept his gratitude. I can’t think of any because I’m not having any luck wrapping my brain around the fact that Luke doesn’t smile like that all the time. 

As I make my way to the car, I scan my memory. Has his smile changed? If so, I can’t see it. It’s always accompanied by the same blinding sunshine. Sometimes, he bites his lower lip, but that’s only when he’s playing coy.

He looks up and sees that I’m not bruised or bloodied. Relief washes over him and he shows it to me, that smile I’m now realizing is just for me. To return the favor, I smile back. One of those that I reserve just for him.  
*****  
Luke is chatty the entire ride back to my apartment. He didn’t ask me about my conversations with Holden, but he wanted to relive every other moment of the night. “I’m really proud of you, Reid.”

His low opinion of my social skills aside, I’m pretty pleased about how the evening went, as well. “I like your family.”

“You do?”

“Well, don’t sound so surprised.” I reach across the center console and grab his hand. “Pull over.”

He glances at me quickly before checking his mirrors. “Why? Is something wrong?”

The corner of my mouth quirks up. “No. I want to tell you something and I need your full attention.”

“Can’t it wait?” His brow furrows with confusion. “We’ll be at your place in, like, ten minutes.”

“Just pull the damn car over, Mr. Snyder.”

The tires crunch the loose gravel on the shoulder of the road. Luke puts the car in park and turns to face me, eyebrows raised. “Well?”

I stare at him for a moment. He’s impatient, sighing heavily. I smile knowing he has no idea what I’m about to say. I lean over and brush my lips lightly over his. “Your family helped shape the man you are today. I like them because I love you.”

Luke’s mouth falls open. I watch as he debates how to respond. “You- you do?”

I draw circles on the back of his hand with my thumb. “You already know that I do.”

He’s still a little flabbergasted. “I mean, you’ve hinted at it, but you’ve never said it.”

“What? I love you?”

Luke shifts in his seat. He wipes his palms down his thighs. “Wow. You are really comfortable with that.”

Now, it’s my turn to be confused. I thought he’d be happy. “And you’re not?”

“It’s not that.” He takes my face in his hands, making me look him in the eye. “You’re right. I know that you love me. I just assumed that since you hadn’t said the words, I would have to trust that it was some unspoken thing between us.”

He stutters like there’s more he wants to say. I kiss him hard to shut him up. Luke may not have wanted to say that he loves me, but I had to stop him just in case. When I hear it, I want there to be no doubt that he said it because he means it, not because he feels obligated. 

While our tongues wrestle for dominance, my hand falls mindlessly to his knee. Luke scoots down in the driver’s seat. I take the motion as a polite way of telling me to stop, but as I move away, he grabs my wrist. He guides me to his crotch. His hips lift until his erection fits snuggly in my palm.

Luke moans softly as I slowly drag my fingers over the outline of his cock through his jeans. My eyes are closed, so I don’t see what he does next. I say a quick thank you to whoever might be listening that I’m not deaf because my pulse quickens at what I hear. As his zipper goes down, my hand slips easily inside and I grip him through the thin material of his boxer briefs.

He removes his lips from mine and mouths along my jaw. Luke stops when he reaches my ear. His heavy panting sends a shiver down my spine. “Touch me, Reid.”

Pushing the elastic band down, his dick springs into my awaiting hand. I’ve seen my fair share of penises. Even if I wasn’t a sexually active, albeit frustrated, gay man, I am a doctor. Still, I’m mesmerized at the sight of him. I can’t stop staring at my fist as it pumps up and down his shaft. 

“Reid?”

I hear the uncertainty in his voice. His eyes are wide and questioning. A sharp twinge of sadness stabs my chest when I realize he thinks something is wrong. Noah didn’t convey, or maybe he didn’t experience, the awe I feel right now.

I kiss him sweetly and whisper against his mouth. “I know it’s rude to stare but, goddamn, you’re beautiful.”

By the light of the dashboard, I see the tears that glisten in the corners of his eyes. Luke blinks them away and tugs hard on my hair. He buries my face against his neck. I have the sudden, overwhelming urge to mark him. I want, need, to signify to the whole damn town that Luke Snyder is mine. Loving him is my job. Shitty baristas need not apply.

He throws his head back and cries out as I suck hard on his soft skin. His hips thrust in quick, jerky movements. Luke fucks my hand furiously, like a man desperate to come. His voice comes out in a pleading whine. “Like that. Fuck! Just like that.”

I let go of his neck. I can tell he’s close and I’ve been waiting too long to miss the best part. His eyes are almost black, blown open with lust. Chest heaving, his tongue darts out constantly to wet his lips. He’s arching against the back of his seat when I see headlights cross his face. 

I loosen my hold on his cock, but Luke shakes his head violently. “Don’t stop.” There’s barely any breath behind his words, but he keeps chanting. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

Although I would never admit this, I’m a little nervous as a shadowy figure emerges from the other vehicle. I don’t have a job at the moment and nobody wants to hire those known for their lewd and lascivious behavior. I stroke Luke’s dick as fast as I can. “Come for me, Luke. I’ve got you.”

He pushes his forehead against mine and grits his teeth. “Say it.”

There is no question what he wants to hear. “God help me, I love you.”

Luke’s voice crackles in his throat, squelching a scream. He gasps as he coats my hand in thick ropes of cum. Given just enough time, he folds himself neatly back in his pants and rolls down his window, leaving me with a fistful of semen.

“Hey Luke.” A gangly teenage boy with hair long enough to hang in his eyes leans in the window. He gives me a nod. “Car trouble?”

Luke coughs to buy some time, but he’s still breathing like he sprinted a mile. I can’t hide my smile as I lie. “No. We were just talking.”

Shaggy narrows his eyes at Luke, but shrugs it off. “Okay. See ya later.”

Luke takes a big enough breath to squeak out “Bye, Parker.”

Our eyes lock and we can’t help but laugh. “That was close.”

Luke bites his lip, a warm, sated look on his face. “That was hot.”

“And now this” I show him the mess that creates a delicate web between my fingers. “is cold. Do you have any…?”

He grabs some napkins from the glove box. “Thank you.”

I tilt my head at him. He knows me well enough to understand that I don’t want to be thanked for his orgasms. “If you’re so grateful, take me home and return the favor.”

“I don’t know.” A big, dramatic yawn stretches Luke’s mouth wide. “I’m sleepy.”

His fly is still open a little and I brush a finger over the sensitive head of his softening cock. “We could do it together.”

“Well, not that sleepy.”  
*****  
“Dancing.”

“No pet names.”

“Hand holding.”

I pop another doughnut hole in my mouth and think it over. We’ve been negotiating for a while now, ever since I awoke in a panic. I was tempted to tell him it was nothing and deal with my anxiety over how exposed I was on my own. Then, he cradled my sweaty head to his broad, naked shoulder. I felt the strength there and thought how it might not be so bad to share the burden. Luke could handle it.

He was understanding, not at all upset or disappointed. Luke suggested we get dressed, grab breakfast and set our boundaries. Things he can’t live without versus acts I simply cannot stomach.

“Hand holding, huh?” I brush flaky glaze from my fingertips and take his hand, warm and fidgety, in mine. “I can handle that.”

The smile that overtakes his features captivates me. This is when it’s easy to defy my closed-off nature. When I see the utter joy he takes from the simplest of gestures, I know I would do anything for him.

Luke comes to a stop outside of Java. He swings our joined hands gently and bounces on his toes. “PDA.”

This is a term I’m unfamiliar with, so I wait for him to explain. He steps closer and leans into me, his eyes on my lips. “Public displays of affection.”

“Oh.” I look down, pretending to consider it. Luke makes a soft, surprised sound when I grab the back of his head. “That’s a must.”

I don’t know how long we stood in front of the large picture window, lips sucking at the sweetness of our doughnut breakfast. Long enough to catch the eye of some patrons inside, I’m sure. It could have been hours, but it never felt long enough. Luke pulls away, rethinks his decision and we collide for one last peck.

“Coffee, then, back to your place?”

I stroke his cheek, caressing the dimple I have created there. “Sounds perfect.”

I sit at the only available table while Luke places our order. I finger the last doughnut, but decide I should at least offer it to him first. I hear him greet Noah brightly. I tell myself that I wouldn’t be watching their conversation so intently if it sounded like it was going well.

Noah is scowling, whispering through gritted teeth. Luke tries to interrupt several times, but gives up. His shoulders slump as he takes his berating. Not another word is said as Luke takes our mugs and joins me in the corner booth.

With raised eyebrows, I prod him gently. “Problem?”

Luke sighs deeply before covering my hand with his. “His problem, not ours.”

Luke tears the last doughnut in half. Light conversation passes between us, but I can tell he’s preoccupied. He tips back the last of his coffee. “Ready to go?”

I nod and follow him back out into Old Town. We barely take two steps before Luke is hugging a cousin or former neighbor. Hell, it could be his mortal enemy for all I know. Luke greets everyone the same.

Leaning close to his ear, I lie and tell him I left my phone inside and that I’ll be right back. He smiles to let me know he heard me. What I really came for is wiping down the counter. Noah looks up and rolls his eyes. “Can I help you, sir?”

“No, but I can help you.”

He throws his rag down and puffs out his chest. His face reddens as he makes a fist. “The thing about accepting your help, Dr. Oliver, is that it costs. You don’t do anything for free. The last time I got your help, you stole my boyfriend.”

“Stole him? He’s not a TV or a parking space.” Our raised voices create a bit of a scene. I clear my throat, regain my composure and try to teach young Mr. Mayer how adults settle their differences. “Here’s a piece of advice, absolutely no charge. For reasons I will never understand, Luke wants to be your friend. He cares about you.”

“A fact that you can’t stand, I’m sure.”

“Luke is very much his own man. I don’t try to control him or tell him who he can and can’t spend time with, nor would I ever. Continue to enjoy your ‘boy’s night out’. Here’s what you need to understand. Are you listening, Mr. Mayer?”

He squints a death glare in my direction. “Intently, doctor.”

I place my hands on the counter and lower my voice. I’m aware that I don’t physically intimidate Noah, but there is a healthy fear in his eyes when he knows I’m serious. “I will not stand idly by while you continuously make Luke feel like less. Less of a friend, less of a man, less of a human being. You have always been blind to how truly amazing he is. Even with my exceptional skills, I couldn’t fix that.”

Noah’s jaw clenches. “This is the part where you put your foot down and tell Luke he can’t hang out with me.”

He’s so dense it boggles the mind. “Do you have ADD? I told you less than two minutes ago I would never do that. I have something much worse in mind.”

“Oh, yeah? What‘s that?”

“I’ll start tagging along.” I push off the counter, certain that I made my point. 

Luke is standing in the doorway. Noah sees him there and lets out a cackle. Much to his horror, Luke pulls me close and threads his fingers through my hair. He claims my lips fiercely, grasping my biceps. 

I’m breathless when he releases me. My knees are liquid, swaying slightly and threatening to give way. He doesn’t even glance in Noah’s direction as he takes my hand and leads me out the door.

We walk silently for a bit. Luke appears lost in thought. He’ll ask me about my talk with Noah if he wants to and I sense that he knows I’ll tell him the whole truth.

We’re almost to the car when he turns to me. “He saw us kissing in front of Java. Said that some customers were bothered.”

“Hot and bothered, maybe.” 

He nudges me with his shoulder and laughs. “You really don’t care, do you?”

There’s something in his tone, like he wonders how it is that I couldn’t give a damn about other people’s opinion of me. “I care what you think. Are you bothered?”

“Not at all.” His arms wrap tightly around my waist. Hugs. Our first negotiation. I fought valiantly, but Luke was insistent and I didn’t stand a chance.

We melt together. He kisses my shoulder through my jacket. “You didn’t have to say those things to Noah, but I love that you did.”

It’s not ‘I love you’, but it feels pretty fucking close.  
*****  
Frisky. It’s the best way I know to describe Luke’s current mood. His hands skitter under my shirt. He paws at the button on my jeans. Laps at the skin of my neck like an excitable puppy. Yes, indeed. Luke Snyder is frisky.

I’d like to think that his desire is stoked by something I did. Maybe I finally got my hands on some of that Swedish chocolate he’s so fond of, composed a timeless sonnet, presented him with a perfect rose as delicate and silky as his bottom lip. Alas, it is Bob Hughes who sends Luke reeling.

He had been sitting on a bench under a lamp near the parking lot of Katie’s apartment. Aside from the funeral, I hadn’t seen much of Bob since my return. He still carried too much weight on his tired, distressed shoulders. If I thought he looked old before, I was shocked at the sheer toll Chris’ death had taken on Bob’s haggard face.

A pleasant smile graced his lips as we approached. His finger shook as he pointed at my hand entwined with Luke’s. “Well, Dr. Oliver. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you actually listened to something I said.” 

“Are you senile? Your lack of enthusiasm about this” I waved our clasped hands between us. “is what made me scamper out of town.”

Luke elbowed me hard enough to shake my balance. He frowned deeply, chastising me with his eyes. Right. The guy’s son just died. I mentally notched back the snark. “Only joking, Bob-O. I am serious about getting a thrill when you sent those soulless bastards at Invicta packing, however.” 

“Ah.” Bob tilted his face towards the sun, the crisp Fall air ruffling his white hair. “My last great act as Chief.”

There had been rumors. I mean, Bob was older than Methuselah. Still, even knowing retirement was well-deserved, I couldn’t imagine working at Memorial without him. “Any idea which numbskull the board will choose to replace you?”

“If you can spare an old man a moment, I’d like to discuss that with you. Luke, do you mind?”

Luke’s affection for Bob was evident as he patted him on the shoulder. “Not at all.”

I tossed the keys to the door in his direction. I’m not fond of the separation, but I do love to watch Luke walk away. His hips switch, ass swaying from side to side as he damn near skipped into my home. Bob caught me staring and he knew. I’ve joined the ranks of the simple dullards in love.

I cleared my throat and took a seat next to him. “If you’re going to ask my opinion, expect brutal honesty. I won’t sugarcoat my thoughts if you want me to report to a doctor who wouldn’t know an OR from a hole in the ground.”

“Who I have in mind,” Bob paused for a moment, folding his hands in his lap. “Well, he’s very familiar with OR’s. Spent most of his adult life in one.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Are you looking outside of Memorial? I can’t think of one person on staff who would spend that much time in an operating room unless they got locked in and forgotten.”

Bob dug in the pocket of his jacket. “That reminds me. Here’s your contract. Same as last time, but I understand if you want to look it over first.”

I took the paperwork and scrawled my name in all the designated areas. Not trusting Bob Hughes was like having doubts about Gandhi or Mother Teresa. Holding the stack in my hands, I took a second to enjoy the moment. After a wrong turn, all was right again. I would finally get to play in the sandbox I designed. Luke was going to be thrilled. “You know, I could provide you with the names of some qualified candidates.”

“That won’t be necessary. I’m looking in-house for my replacement.”

“So, who did you have in mind?”

“You, Reid.” Bob groaned as he lifted himself from the bench. “I would like to submit your name to the board for Chief of Staff at Memorial.”

My jaw fell open. I uttered the first thing that came to my mind. “How long ago did you lose them?”

“Lose what?”

“Your marbles, Bob. I’m the last person for the job. Who will the nurses complain to when I make them cry?”

Bob chuckled as he walked to his car. “True, your people skills will need an adjustment, but you’ll have to try harder to convince me you’re as cold and rude as you say.”

“Seriously, Bob. I don’t…” I threw my hands in the air. “Why me?”

He thought carefully before giving me his response. “Because in all my years of medicine, I have never met another doctor who goes to the lengths that you do for a patient. I’ve thought more than once how the outcome might have been different if Chris had a surgeon like you on his side.”

“Wow.” I really couldn’t see myself going to bat for Doogie Hughes, but for Bob, I know that I would have tried anything to save his pathetic life. Okay, for Katie too. It was a damn good thing I wasn’t here. “Can I have a day to think about it?”

“Take your time, son.” The corner of Bob’s mouth twitched and his eyes glistened. “I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.”

“Get out!” Luke was beaming as I recapped my offer from Bob. His lips stretched from ear to ear.

“You get out. It’s my apartment.”

Chuckling happily, Luke wrapped his arms around my neck. “You’re going to say yes, right?”

“Even if I do say yes to Bob, it doesn’t mean I have the job. The board would still have to approve.”

Luke frowned. He dropped his hands to my shoulders and took a step back. “What do you mean ‘if you say yes’? I thought you’d be over the moon.”

“About more paperwork, meetings and ass-kissing for donations?” I raised my eyebrows questioningly. “What about all that screams Dr. Reid Oliver?”

“Being your own boss, implementing the changes you want. What about all that doesn’t?” Luke pulled away completely and grabbed his jacket. “Unless you don’t want to be tied down here in Podunk.”

I snatched his jacket from his hands. “Hey. I never said I wasn’t going to think about it. I told you so that you could help me weigh the pros and cons.”

Luke regained a bit of his previous smile and set to work. He grabbed the pen and small notepad that Katie kept by the phone and plopped down on the couch. “Pro #1: Growing old in Oakdale.”

I scoffed. “That’s a pro? If that’s the best you’ve got, I can call Bob to decline right now.”

He batted his long lashes. “Did I fail to mention that I’ll be here growing old right alongside you?”

“Well,” The thought of aging actually scares the shit out of me. Newer, younger punks trying to take my title of Numero Uno Neurosurgeon is nauseating. Even when I was granted early admission to Harvard, I didn’t wish to be a day older than I was so that I could fit in with my classmates. I needed every second to work at being the best, but something in his eyes told me there are worse fates than a lifetime with Luke. “that doesn’t sound terrible.”

Luke patted the cushion next to him. When I sat, he folded his legs beneath him and snuggled against my shoulder. “Reid?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you still love me when I have gray hair and a flabby ass?”

I studied his features. I couldn’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t see him just as he is now. The man I fell in love with. “Try and stop me.”

Those words led to kissing, which led to the friskiness and now, here I am. Flat on my back as Luke perches on his knees between my legs. That licking thing Luke was doing to my neck? My cock gives that move a standing ovation.

He’s a vision as I card my fingers through his hair and guide his head gently. I realize then that no matter the color of his locks, I will always enjoy this view. Pro #2: Close proximity to Luke Snyder’s talented tongue.  
*****  
My first two weeks back at Memorial have been a blur. The wing has drawn much more attention than I could ever have dreamed. The waiting list is growing for non-critical patients and emergencies are being flown in from all over the state.

Even if I wasn’t elbow deep in brain matter, my home life (those two words still don’t seem to go together) is hectic. Katie and Jacob are back and Luke is fitting into our little family unit quite nicely. He changed his first Jacob Power Poo just yesterday. 

With the exception of two nights when he was babysitting his siblings, I find Luke in my bed when I arrive home. It’s a quaint routine we’re building. He gives me a coy smile and pulls back the sheets. Once he nestles in snuggly against my chest, he rolls my nipple between his thumb and forefinger like a Worry Stone and tells me about his day. 

I have never listed our cozy nightly activities in the column of things I want from life. That doesn’t stop me from enjoying every second of it. It also doesn’t erase the two speeding tickets I’ve gotten rushing home to our bed.

A few months ago, I would have begged for someone to punch me in the face over the sap I have become. Now? Well, people can go back to kissing my rosy red ass. I have finally achieved the most elusive of human conditions. Happiness.

The apartment is eerily silent when I push open the door tonight. Katie is sacked out on the couch, Jacob laying haphazardly across her lap with an infomercial muted on the TV. I get the kid settled into his crib and retrieve his mother.

A sleepy smile crinkles the corners of her eyes when she feels my lips on her forehead. “The handsome prince awakened Sleeping Beauty with a kiss.”

“And then he told her he’d leave her ass on the couch next time.” I rub at my chest where she slaps me. “No Luke tonight?”

“Of course, he’s here. He notifies you of his every breath. What do you two text about all the time anyway?”

Our texts would curl her stick-straight hair. Luke could explicate a twenty minute blow job over three hours. If that three car pile-up hadn’t arrived causing me to turn off my phone, I would have had to ask the ER doctors for something to ease my painful, constant erection. “Oh, things.”

“Right.” Katie yawns loudly, her face contorting appropriately. “He got a phone call and locked himself away in your bedroom.”

“Who called?”

“No idea. I tried to eavesdrop, but I got nothing.”

That explained the muted television. “Get some sleep. I’ll treat you to Al’s before your first day back at the station.”

She grabs my hand and gives it a quick squeeze. “I’d like that.”

I enter my room and hear Luke in the bathroom, his voice bouncing off the clean porcelain surfaces. I toe off my shoes and place them in the closet. Before I remove anymore clothing, I lean against the bathroom door. I like to have a little advanced warning if we’re dealing with another Snyder family drama.

“Abigail, stop! I’m never too busy for you. I only wish I would have known before. I’ve been hard to get hold of lately, but if I miss your call, I’ll get back with you as soon as I can. I promise.”

Abigail. Abigail? It doesn’t ring a bell.

“Here? Nothing much. You know how it is. Same drama, different day.”

I knew it wasn’t just me. Maybe Luke didn’t see it until I shined a huge spotlight on all the insanity. At least I know I’m not alone in my opinion of Oakhell.

“Oh, no. Noah and I are over. Dead and buried. Never to rise again. There’s a new man in my life.” I never get tired of hearing that. “Ah, your informants are correct. He is a brain surgeon and he is devilishly handsome. Grandma Emma told you? Yeah, she’s a fan.”

Being called handsome twice in one day? It’s happened before, but for some reason, I know I’ll remember this day. An honest opinion is always more valuable than tons of cheap flattery.

“Well, you don’t pull any punches, do you? I’m not stalling! I just don’t want to answer you.” Luke’s laughter is over enthusiastic, almost manic. “Yes, alright! Yes, I’m so in love.”

I jump back from the door, pushing off with my hand as though the wood is scalding hot. The only thing standing between me and a four-alarm fire. When I took my last breath, I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t know I would have it stolen from me and my chest begins to burn.

“He’s smart and funny and beautiful. He’s surprisingly charming and romantic. And I love him.”

Oh, no. I should have announced myself as soon as I came in the room. I didn’t want to hear it this way. I feel like I’ve damaged something priceless. 

“Well, I haven’t exactly told him yet. I have my reasons! I wish you knew him. Then, it wouldn’t sound so foolish. Reid’s relentless when he wants something. I’m being wooed, for God’s sake. Like today, we were supposed to meet for lunch. He was called in on a consult so he had his assistant deliver chili and cornbread to my office. It’s kind of our meal.”

That’s true. When I was feeling particularly empty while living in Rochester, I would try in vane to fill the void with chili.

“Sweet, right? But that’s not all. In the bottom of the bag were two huge chocolate chip cookies. He sent me a text saying that by the time I was ready for dessert, he’d be there to share it with me. Reid charged in, gave me a kiss, ate his cookie and he had to go back. He drove all the way across town to spend five minutes with me.”

Honestly, I didn’t do it for him. I needed to see him. Feel him, sturdy and stable against my body. 

That consult had been with a fifteen-year-old boy, growing taller by the second thanks to a tumor on his pituitary gland. He was no more similar to Luke than any other blonde male. It was the look, like he felt as uncomfortable in his own skin as he would in a roomful of naked strangers, that sealed the deal. The thought of Luke ever feeling that way caused me physical pain. The only thing that would ease it was laying my eyes on tangible proof that he had survived that, fought through it and came out stronger in the end. My little trip was irrational, but completely necessary.

“I know he deserves to hear it and he will. Hell, I’m shocked that I don’t scream it in my sleep. The thing is, I don’t want to say it and then, he just gives up on trying to surprise me. How selfish is that? I know it can’t last forever, but is it really so wrong to want it to last a while longer? Reid has done more romantic things for me in three weeks than Noah did in three years. It’s…nice. Better than nice. I’ve never felt so loved in my whole life.”

That should be my line. I was the recluse, shields high and denying entrance to my innermost spaces. It wasn’t at all shocking that I hadn’t felt loved before now. Luke was out there looking, trying to love and be loved, still falling short of the mark. I vow in this very moment that Luke will always know love. As time passes, he’ll forget the sting that accompanies being without it.

I walk to the closet and pick up my shoes. I toss them against the wall, the clatter ringing out as the hit the floor.

“Oh, Abigail. He’s home. Call me anytime you need to talk. I love you, too. Bye.”

Luke looks soft when he exits the bathroom. He’s been running his fingers through his hair. The product is all but gone leaving his hair soft and voluminous. He pads slowly towards me and wraps his arms around my back. “You’re home.”

I don’t say a word. Instead, I lead him to the bed, tugging his shirt off as we go. I support his head and lay him down gently. Then, I kiss every inch of tender skin until I reach the waistband of the scrubs he’s wearing. I peel those down, toss them carelessly off the bed. 

He bucks violently off the mattress when I take him in my mouth, sucking him to hardness. His hips undulate as he presses down on the back of my head. I put my fingers to his lips and he sucks them in greedily. “Oh, god. I love your fingers.”

He does, too. It took him four texts to describe the feeling of my knuckle grazing his prostate. He’s very articulate. Also, very forceful. He slams down on my fingers as I lick at his slit. “Fucking love them.”

I love him. Enough to surprise him everyday til the end of time. Tomorrow, I plan to do the most surprising thing of all. I’m going to royally piss him off.  
*****  
Katie uses a sausage link bouncing off the tip of her fork to connect the dots between Abigail and Luke for me. “So, they’re not blood-related, but don’t bring that up to either of them. They get very defensive.”

I’d like to see that. Luke gets so animated when he’s irritated. He can’t hold his tongue. That’s exactly the reaction I’m going for. “Are you done yet? I have one more stop to make before I get to the hospital.”

“We can’t all unhinge our jaws and pour stuff down our throats.”

“I’ve made many a man very happy that way.”

Her cheeks turn the softest pink. “Luke sounded ecstatic last night.”

I need to consider getting my own place. I grab the bill from the table and fish my wallet from my back pocket. “I need to buy you one of those white noise machines. Knock ‘em dead today, Goldilocks.”

“Oh!” Katie’s fork clangs loudly against her plate and she hurriedly wipes her mouth. “I almost forgot. I’m staying with Margo tonight. Tom was asked to be a guest lecturer for a friend’s Estate Law class at Northwestern. She hates being in the house alone now that Casey’s moved out, so I said Jacob and I would stay with her.”

“Isn’t she the Chief of Police? And she’s too afraid to be in her house alone? No wonder this place is so screwed up.”

“That’s my sister, jerk!” Katie threw her purse on her shoulder. “Enjoy the privacy. Make as much noise, white or otherwise, as you like.”

Lady Luck is on my side this morning. I hope she doesn’t get restless waiting until my plan for Luke is complete. If I know him as well as I think I do, we will need the apartment to ourselves.

I made my stop successfully and I’m checking out my last patient on rounds when my phone rings. “Dr. Oliver.”

“Where are you?” It’s Luke. He’s on the move from the sound of wind on the line.

“Peds. Why?”

“Stay there.”

I’m not in Peds, but that’s where our little showdown needs to take place. I receive a strange glance from a nurse as I physically remove her from my path. I enter the stairwell and climb two steps at a time.

I barely beat him to the children’s ward. I’m still trying to calm my breathing when the double doors swing open and Luke zeros in on me. He stomps so hard I swear I feel the floor move, a bundle of sunflowers clenched in his fist.

“Thanks for the flowers.” He tosses them on a nearby cart. There is a hard set in his jaw and his tongue threatens to wear a hole through his cheek. “They were very enlightening.”

“They are sunflowers, after all.”

A snotty little smile that finally shows a resemblance between Luke and Faith sours his face. “I found the card to be the most interesting.”

Here’s where my acting skills come in. I don’t know if I’m good enough to feign stupidity. “I don’t remember a card.”

“Maybe because my flowers weren’t supposed to have a card. You only sent a card to him!”

Luke is angry. So angry, in fact, that the deep chocolate of his eyes has adopted a tinge of red. Just a bit longer and all that will change.

“Nothing to say, Reid? You don’t even want to introduce me to him?”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

He bites his lip and shakes his head. “I’m not stupid. If there’s another man, then he has to be here. You wouldn’t have time to meet someone outside of work.”

“Luke,” I massage his upper arms and tell him sincerely, “there is no other man.”

Shrugging my hands from his arms, Luke jams his fists in his pockets and rocks forward on the balls of his feet. “Then, who’s Andy?”

“My name’s Andy.”

Luke followed the sound of a high, weak voice to the room across the hall. He found inside a girl, small for twelve years old, with a woolen cap made to look like a panda sitting on her bald head. She gave him a shy smile. “Andy Boone.”

I walk up behind him and put the bundle around his chest. “Don’t forget her flowers.”

Luke gives me a confused look over his shoulder, but enters the room. I linger in the hall until I hear a nice flow to their conversation. When Andy tells Luke the first of many lame knock knock jokes, I head to my office to finish up some paperwork.

At least an hour has past when Luke taps lightly on my door. “That was a dirty trick.”

I look up at him from my plush leather chair. “Shows how much you trust me.”

“No it doesn’t.” Luke spins my chair and sits gently in my lap. “I jumped to conclusions. You knew I would, so if anything, it shows how well you know me. It also shows how desirable I think you are. There are still days when I wake up and I can’t believe you’re mine.”

“Believe it, Mr. Snyder.” I run my thumb along his smooth cheek. “You’re it for me.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm.”

“Why don’t you give Andy the flowers yourself? She said I’m the third person you’ve had deliver them.”

“Because the flowers aren’t the gift. The visit is.”

Tears spring to his eyes. I knew they would. “Oh, Reid.”

I hold him close to my chest and tell him the story of Andrea Renee Boone. In and out of hospitals since she was four, her mother was always with her while her father was at work. On her seventh birthday, Andy attended the funeral for her dad, killed by a drunk driver. After that, Mrs. Boone had to take two jobs just to keep their heads above water. I provided my services free of charge just so they could afford the trip to Oakdale.

“And you get people to visit her while her mom‘s away.”

I kiss the top of his head. “There is nothing worse for a kid with cancer than too much time alone to think about how they’re a kid with cancer.”

Luke stands and walks to the wall of windows that look out over the parking lot for the new wing. He puts his palm flat on the glass, leans against his hand and his head drops. I see his shoulders shake. It’s then that I join him.

Pulling his back to my chest, I whisper in his ear. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” His voice is light, a sweet laugh in his tone. “Everything’s perfect.”

He turns in my arms and brushes his fingers through my hair before gripping the sides of my face. “I love you.”

I was wrong. If I had overheard him tell a hundred people, this would still be the single most surprising moment of my life. Luke, the most beautiful example of all things good, has given his heart to me. I don’t just hear it in his words. I see it on his face, feel it in his touch, taste it in his kiss.

“I love you. How could I not?”

“Luke,” I’m suddenly nervous. My palms are sweating and I can feel the verbal diarrhea climb my throat. “I want to take you somewhere where we can be alone. Katie is staying with Margo. We’ll have the apartment to ourselves. I’m not expecting anything. That’s not why I’m-”

Luke places a finger on my lip wearing a ridiculous smile on his face. “I’ll follow you anywhere, for any reason. Didn’t you hear? You‘re it for me, Dr. Oliver.”  
*****  
Luke presses against my back, peering over my shoulder as though he’s watching me diffuse a bomb. The pull on the zipper of his jacket clinks like ice in a glass as he anxiously shifts his weight from foot to foot. “Do you want me to do it?”

“I can handle it, Mr. Snyder.” I laugh as he drops his head and groans. “I don’t know what you have to complain about. You asked me to wait for months. I asked you to wait the ten minutes it takes to drive here from the hospital.”

His tongue, warm and wet, flicks against my earlobe before he takes the tender flesh between his teeth. “It’s been eleven.”

The more I concentrate, the more my hands shake. Luke is being far from helpful, grasping my hips and mouthing at the back of my neck. A sigh of relief lessens my tension when the door finally opens. Our noses are assaulted by the scent of spiced pumpkin potpourri Katie has dumped in bowls all over the apartment.

Luke moves quickly. He steps in front and drags me over the threshold. I stumble forward when he yanks on my wrist, colliding with his solid chest. A brief smile flashes on his lips as he leans in for a kiss, offering me the sweet honey taste of his mouth.

The heat in Luke’s eyes is a bold contrast to the innocence of his angelic countenance. The pulse of his body has changed, no longer emitting a signal of ‘wait, wait, wait’. As he grinds against my thigh, every fiber of his being is clearly screaming out ‘now’.

A shudder passes through my body. The air around us is thick, hard to swallow. I need a moment to clear the fog from my frantic mind or this will be over before it even begins. “Shower.”

“Mmm.” Luke purrs. “Good idea.”

“For me.” The corner of my mouth twitches as he whines. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be out in five minutes.”

Luke stretches his arm, holding my hand until he can’t any longer. “Hurry.”

The water pouring over my head is a degree or two above freezing. It’s perfect. A little clarity is exactly what I need right now. It’s just sex. The who, the when, the where are all different, but the mechanics are the same. The seed of worry that blooms in my stomach is foreign and entirely uncalled for.

Having washed with lightning speed, I rub my damp hair furiously with one of Katie’s fluffy, baby blue bath towels and synch it around my waist. I brush my teeth and give myself a once over in the mirror. My nipples have glass-cutting strength standing taut on my chest. Luke will like that. Time saver.

My thoughts have been in such a flurry that I never once thought about what Luke was doing in my empty apartment. If I had known, I would have used my time in the shower to shoot the first bullet from my gun, so to speak.

He’s lying back across the mattress, feet flat on the floor. His jacket is gone, t-shirt pulled up over his stomach. The fly of his jeans is open, peeled aside to reveal Luke’s hard cock and the soft plume of pubic hair surrounding it. He tugs lazily, thumbing over the head.  
“Longest shower ever.”

“You could have joined me.”

“Ha!” Luke props himself on his elbow, still torturing me with the sight of his handy work. “I tried. You locked the door.”

I step closer, fingering the edge of my towel. “Huh? Why would I do something stupid like that?”

Luke stands and removes his shirt. He makes a show of balling up the soft cotton material and tossing it into the corner of my room. We now stand toe to toe. He can’t seem to stop smiling as he shakes his head and whispers. “I have no idea.”

My wet towel falls to the floor with a soft thud. The scrape of rough denim against my naked thighs elicits a small moan. Luke chases the sound up my throat with his tongue. “I love your skin. It’s like it’s begging me to lick every inch of it.”

Our kiss is soft, wet as we trace each other’s lips. “We have the time and the space, Mr. Snyder. Lick away.”

He makes broad swipes at the beads of water clinging to my shoulders as we clumsily make our way to the bed. His jeans fall easily once I push them past his ass. Gracefully, he kicks them aside before we tumble on the crisp sheets.

My eyes are shut tightly. I want to memorize every sensation. The sound of his harsh breath as he laps at my neck. The way his calloused hands stoke a fire under my skin. Above all, I can’t escape the pounding of my heart against my ribs as it threatens to break free of its cage at any moment.

The fear is there, too. The anxiety of failing him. The cold grip that squeezes my lungs at the thought of someday losing him. I brush my hand over his hair and try to remember when it was that Luke became my everything.

It’s quiet. I wish I was more adept at romantic sentiment, knew just the right thing to say. As it stands, I can only think of three words. “I love you.”

Luke rolls to his back, coaxing me to lie over him. He sucks my fingers into his mouth and spreads his legs wider. “Show me.”

He furls open easily, rocking against my hand to make quick work of our preparation. My erection strains with each gasp from his lips. Luke extends his arm and blindly feels for the lubricant and condoms in my bedside table.

I caress his face. I want to know for sure that he’s ready. My heart would shatter if I caused him pain.

“No more waiting, Reid. Make love to me.”

Luke is tight, but not overly so. He closes his eyes and sucks a sharp breath through his teeth as my cock breaches the ring of muscle. I stay still, giving him time to adjust. He shakes his head. “More.”

He throbs around me as though he has accepted every part of me inside him. It’s clear now that I was wrong. I’ve had sex. This is so much more. His pleasure is mine. I feel what he feels and the same is true for Luke. I see it in his eyes.

We move together, my push to his pull. Not once do we look away. There is no hiding. He knows all of me.

Luke arches from the bed as I stroke his dick. He brings my head to his, biting my lower lip in a forceful kiss. “Oh god, Reid. I love you so much.”

His whole body trembles when his orgasms hits him. Our stomachs are slick with his release. My own climax is like pulling a loose sting on a sweater. I’m unwound, leaving behind a heap of what was formally Reid Oliver.

I bury my face in Luke’s neck, breathing the scent of our sex. His fingers dance soothingly up and down my sides. We stay meshed, a tangle of limbs, until I find the strength to sit up.

The smile on Luke’s face never wavers, never falters as he stretches his arms above his head. “I can’t remember. Why did we wait so long?”

“I couldn’t find the key to your chastity belt.”

He laughs. Maybe it’s the sound or the pure joy on his face. Maybe I’m having a bout of male PMS. Whatever the reason, I find myself fighting back tears.

Luke saves the day and jabs at my ribs. “A real man would have gnawed the damn thing off.”

“Oh, I was getting there.”

He laces his fingers through my hair. “Can I go with you the next time you get your hair cut?”

“Um, sure.” Even though I’m clearly not.

“This curl right here.” He twists the lock in question, just behind my right ear, around his pinky. “I want to keep it.”

I kiss him hard. I hate how much I love him. “Such a sap.” Take your pick on which one of us I am talking about.

And just like that, he folds me in his arms. Welcoming me to the existence I almost missed out on. I feel like a batter at the plate with two strikes in the bottom of the ninth, swinging and missing in the game of love. But just when I thought I was out, Luke pulls me right back in.  
*****  
Epilogue, Luke’s POV  
I read an article once that claimed you could tell the type of relationship you have based on the way you sleep with your partner. I remember laughing at the time. Were they really trying to say that if Noah and I slept with our feet tangled as opposed to back to back that everything would turn around for us?

Looking back, I realize I was interpreting it wrong. It wasn’t a ‘how to’, more of a ‘how it is’. The fact that we were separated by so much space in the very bed we shared spoke volumes. I see that now that I know it can be different. Reid reads my mind in that uncanny way of his and pulls me tighter to his body. We’re so close, he only has to dip his chin to press a kiss to my shoulder blade.

The room is quite. The only sound is Reid sinking back into his pillow. “Why do you insist on staying the night if you never sleep?”

“I sleep.” But not much. “I can go home if you want-”

Reid squeezes my middle, effectively cutting the sentence short. “Shut up.”

There are whispers around town. I hear them, even if I don’t give a damn. “What could Luke possibly see in Dr. Oliver?” “That poor boy is so desperate to be loved, he’d put up with anything from his boyfriend.” That last one was actually true once.

I understand the skepticism. Reid is not Noah. He’s not easy with a smile. It’s not uncommon to hear him utter the phrases “You’re an idiot, Mr. Snyder.” or “Of all the moronic things, Luke.” No, Reid is not a plucky, young kid with big Hollywood dreams. Far from it.

What people don’t know is that Reid doesn’t smile at passersby because he saves them for me. He tells me I’m an idiot when I doubt myself or calls me moronic when I let fear influence my decisions. He’s made a man of me or at least helped the man I always was step into the light. 

Reid’s different in other ways too. He has never rejected my help or blamed me when not everything worked according to plan. Reid enjoys challenging me because he knows I’m strong enough to pass the test. Possibly what sets Oakdalian tongues wagging most is that he’s not shy about kissing me or telling me he loves me because of who might be watching. No matter how it looks to an outsider, Reid not being Noah is the best thing that ever happened to me. 

We’ve had our dark times. Reid leaving for Rochester comes to mind. The fact that we stumbled over our first hurdle after barely leaving the starting blocks didn’t bode well. I don’t worry about that anymore. Truth be told, I’m only worried about one thing and it’s been keeping me awake every night this week.

Reid has the day off tomorrow. We usually eat a huge breakfast and spend the rest of the day in bed, burning it off. He’s not going to be happy when I tell him about the little trip I have planned instead. 

Five miles from the farm is a bungalow. It’s small but immaculate, with neat hedges on either side of the stoop. Two bedrooms, two baths with office space in the finished attic. The perfect starter home. Our home.

I catch myself praying throughout the day that Reid is serious about this being it for him. I really don’t think I could take it if he says he doesn’t want to live with me. Just in case, I have something in my back pocket that may sell him on the idea. 

Folded in my wallet are my test results, free of all sexually transmitted diseases. Reid posted his latest results on the fridge like a good report card so I’m pretty sure this is something he’s thought about. If we no longer need overnight bags, then we no longer need condoms. I’m ready for that commitment. Something about Reid’s contented sigh against my neck makes me believe he’s ready for it too.

As my eyes finally flutter closed, I think about that article again. I’m not even sure I read the section on couples who spoon. Back then, it was a waste of my time. Noah said that it was clingy when I would try to hold him. It’s possible the article agreed, but I don’t think so. The way Reid and I sleep reminds me that he has my back, that we are more formidable when we stick together. Even if we toss and turn at night, Reid feels the separation. In bed, as in life, he pulls me right back in.


End file.
